


The Way

by Mapofmyhead



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Zombie Apocalypse, Angst, Phandom - Freeform, Survival, a bit of fluff?, but who am i kidding, how does one tag, i'm not sure, wannabe short story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-07
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-04-25 09:04:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 24,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4954480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mapofmyhead/pseuds/Mapofmyhead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"We need to be back before it gets dark." he reminded him, still staring at Dan who seemed to be finding the concrete walls around him more interesting that what Phil was saying.</p><p>"It won't take long, Phil." Dan replied in an irritated tone as he took a turn down a street. Phil, having fallen slightly behind him, tutted, frustrated. </p><p>"I swear to God, Dan, if we get into trouble I'm going to kill you."</p><p>"If we get into trouble you won't have to."</p><p>Or the one where Dan and Phil try to survive in post-apocalyptic London.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on Wattpad.
> 
> inspired by this beautiful instrumental piece https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oN2Xs-MvxLw
> 
> This is my first phanfic plz be gentle k?  
> Good.  
> Enjoy!

The sun was shining bright just over the high buildings of London, having already started its descent towards the horizon and giving the city a warm orange glow, signalling the end of yet another day.

The air was thick with humidity and dust and the summer heat was doing nothing to help with it as the particles of dust irritated their eyes and stuck to their skin, mixing up with their swear and clogging their shores, making their skin dry and itchy.

Everything was quiet as always, apart from the light occasional breeze that would blow around them, rustling the leaves of the nearby trees. Or the animals that would sometimes disturb the silence while making their way through the bushes and grass along the tarmac that had almost reach the two men's height during the period of a few warm months.

A flock of birds flew above them in a choir of tweeting, probably making their way to Kesington Gardens for the night.

"I think we should start heading back." said Phil pushing his glasses up the brigde of his nose while watching the birds disappear behind the tall buildings, squinting at the sun's refrection on the glass surface of what had remained of them. His breathing was heavy from exersion and a couple of trickles of sweat was rolling down his temple and neck. He ran the back of his hand over his forehead to rid of the eccesive liquid and then racked his slightly trempling fingers through his hair, making it uncomfortably stick to his skin.

"Yeah." replied Dan, him too looking up at the sky for a few moments, admiring the large strokes of oranges and pinks and purples in the west fading into the blue of the east. He glanced at Phil next to him noticing his shaky hands and his face now even paler than usual. "You haven't eaten all day." he noted. "You need to eat something." Dan said and went to take off his backpack where he'd stored the crackers they had looted from the store some hours ago.

"No, keep it." Phil stopped him with a hand on his arm. "I'll eat back at the flat." he sent him a smile, trying to be as convincing as possible. He took his hand away and hooked his thumb on the straps of his rucksack, letting his arm hang.

Dan was right; Phil hadn't eaten anything since they left their flat that morning. Dan had offered to share a leftover tin of beans from last night but Phil had refused, forever being the mother hen and trying to feed Dan up. On top of that, he reasoned, food would have made him heavy and would have made it difficult for him to run and climb. However now he was starving - had been for many hours in fact, but wouldn't dare admit it - and he was feeling the lack of energy having its effect on his body.

Dan put the strap back over his shoulder but didn't look convinced.

"You know you look like shit right now." Dan sent Phil a stern look. "You haven't been eating well lately, Phil." he added now letting his facade drop and looking more concerned.

Phil rolled his eyes and opened his mouth as to say something but closed it again immediately. He knew Dan was right. Of course he was. He couldn't deny he had significantly cut down on the amount of food he was eating and he was well aware that this would take its toll on his health sooner or later but he couldn't help it. He didn't have an appetite. Hell, even if he did most times he was far too exhausted to even think of anything else apart from sleep.

"I'm fine, Dan." he said with a roll of his eyes.

Dan knew he was lying but let out a sigh, deciding to drop the subject for the moment. There was no use arguing with Phil when he was like this so he'd have to take action when they were back.

They walked in silence for a few meters until Dan decided to suddenly turn left down a street that was definitely not leading back home. Phil stopped in his tracks.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

"Just one more place we need to check." he explained without stopping. Phil looked at him in disbelief for a second.

"Now?" he asked, jogging a bit so he was walking next to Dan again. "We need to be back before it gets dark." he reminded him, still staring at Dan who seemed to be finding the concrete walls around him more interesting than what Phil was saying. "Can't it wait?" he tried again with a sigh. Now it was Dan's turn to roll his eyes.

"It won't take long, Phil." Dan replied in an irritated tone as he took a turn down a street. Phil, having fallen slightly behind him, tutted, frustrated. "Yesterday, we said we'd do it tomorrow and tomorrow is today. I think I saw some stuff in there last time we passed it and it might be very much useful, actually."

"What can be so important that it can't wait until tomorrow?" questioned Phil, now starting to get really annoyed with his friend, but trying to keep his tone hushed as they walked into an alley.

"Medicine, Phil!" Dan ceased his walking and turned back to look at him, obviously not caring about the volume of his voice. "Isn't that important to you?" he started walking again. "And, anyway, you want to move at the crack of dawn tomorrow don't you? So, this has to be done today." he added with finalty. Phil sighed and followed Dan.

"I swear to God, Dan, if we get into trouble I'm going to kill you." he said quietly.

"If we get into trouble you won't have to." he turned his head and laughed a humourless laugh at Phil. Phil shook his head but giggled anyway and Dan slowed down his pace to allow him to keep up with him.

They kept on going for a while, walking in a fast pace down the street in comfortable silence. No doubt they both knew what they were doing was far too risky. Anything could jump them in there and the fact that it would be pitch black in about an hour made it ten times worse. Even walking outside at this hour was risky but they were feeling moderately safe with each other on their side however they knew very well that they could never let their guard down.

After navigating through alleys and past destroyed stores they walked out into what used to be Oxford Street, now abandoned with weeds growing through cracks on the pavements and the concrete, crashed cars left there to rust and skeletons stripped of flesh. There was, however, a distinct smell of rotten flesh and blood in the air, emitting from dead bodies that could possibly be very much alive but none of them flinched - they were used to the smell itself and it being part of their living now and instead of panicking they had learned to keep their cool up and their guard higher.

"There it is." informed Dan, pointing to a drugstore across the street.

Phil nodded curtly and they were crossing the street.

They both paused outside, all their senses at their peak trying to detect the slightest movement or sound possibly coming from inside or even outside. Phil moved towards the smashed glass door while Dan rubbed at the window to rid of the caked dirt on it to take a look inside. He couldn't see much so he signalled Phil to go in, himself following close behind.

Carefully stepping over the broken glass on the floor, they moved further into the store, looking around frantically. Their breathing quick as paranoia started to kick in.

There was a blood trail on the tile floor that led behind the shelves and Phil noticed it first.

"Dan!" he whispered urgently, throwing out a hand against Dan's chest to stop him. They looked at each other and Dan lifted a finger against his lips to silence him. He nodded, taking a deep breath and slowly taking a wary step forward.

"Dan!" Phil stopped him once more, eyes wide in fear as he clasped at Dan's t-shirt. Dan batted his hands away and started walking forward. He went to the second aisle and carefully hoisted himself up a shelf to peek over to the next one where the blood trail was leading.

Over the shelves, at the back of the store, in the last aisle scattered around he could see the supplies he was there for. But the way there wouldn't be easy if possible at all. Because there it was, one of the dead, on all its fours, face buried in the abdomen of a woman's corpse. The stench of death made Dan want to vomit. He gulped and tried to breathe as fear started flowing through his veins. He climbed down from the shelves as carefully as he could with his shaky limbs but he lost his footing on his last step. His shoe slipped and hit hard against the last shelf . He fell on the floor but despite the pain that the collision sent to his back he didn't make any sound, even stopped breathing and listened closely. He clearly heard the heavy breathing of the walker turn into threateningly hungry moans.

He panicked and scrambled to get up as the creature shuffled his feet in the next aisle, his breathing now rapid and shallow.

Suddenly a hand grabbed his upper arm and he almost screamed and went to swat it to get away.

"Dan! Come on!" Phil urged him from behind him, not letting go of his arm until he was on his feet and running out of the store.

They ran as far away from the store as they could, hiding behind an empty car at the other side of the street. Dan leaned against the door, trying to catch his breath and slow his hammering heart down, while Phil was squatted down beside him, tightly holding at Dan's wrist and peeking through the car's soiled window at the store across the street.

"Are you alright?" he asked, turning his attention to Dan, eyes wide in concern. Dan nodded, running a hand through his curly hair.

How had it gone in there? It wasn't in there yesterday when he checked, it wasn't suppossed to be in there today!

Dan turned to copy Phil's position and look through the window at the store himself. It hadn't come out yet which meant that it could be safe to give it another try.

"We can come back again in th-"

"I'm going back inside." Dan said determinedly as Phil went to comfort him and tell him to leave.

"No." said Phil, turning to stare at him with fear plastered all over his face, tightening his grip on his friend's wrist. "You're not going back inside!" he said sternly but Dan was already jerking his hand off him and running away. "Dan!" Phil whispered, trying to stop him. He knew that medicine was important but not more important than Dan.

Dan ran across the street and leaned against the wall next to the entrance, taking his pistol from the back of his pants and taking a deep breath before rushing inside the store, this time not bothering with being quiet.

Phil at the other side of the road nervously pushed his glasses up his nose. His heart was in his throat for his friend, his eyes glued to the door, repeating 'come on, come on, come on' quietly to himself. He took his own gun out of its holster that hang against his hip and kept it to his side at the ready should Dan need backup.

The minutes were ticking by and not a single sound was heard. Phil's body had gone stiff with nerves. Every possible outcome ran through his mind in a matter of seconds and he had just decided to go find Dan when suddenly, a loud grunt sounded from the store and then an ear-piercing scream echoed through the street followed by two gunshots. Phil was on his feet in a millisecond running in full speed towards the drugstore, gun clutched tightly in his hand, finger already pressing against the trigger. Phil reached the door but as he was ready to throw himself in Dan collided with him almost knocking him to the ground. Dan grabbed Phil's shirt to help him keep his balance and they were once more off running down Oxford Street.

"There were another four in there!" Dan informed him, holding a plastic bag full of bottles of pills in his right hand.

"Four!?"

"Yes. In the back." he replied almost giggling at how lucky he was to have gotten out of there alive. He momentarily turned his head and saw three zombies limping behind them, gaining ground against them. "Shi- Run!" he screamed to Phil and their feet kicked the ground as fast as they possibly could.

"I think they lost us." Phil said after a while between gasping for air, his muscles burning slightly from pushing them to keep him going. The street behind them was empty.

"Yeah." breathed Dan and they slowed down but kept walking, both cherishing in the adrenaline rush as they giggled. Dan playfully bumped into Phil and drapped an arm around his shoulders for support.

"You're a f*cking idiot." Phil laughed, wrapping an arm around Dan's waist and squeezing him closer, his head resting against his friend's shoulder.

"I'm a winner though." Dan giggled, lifting the bag in front of Phil's face.

"And a pretty dead one. I told you if we got into trouble I would kill you with my own hands!" Phil joked, lifting his arms and went for Dan's neck. The brunet giggled and squirmed away but Phil grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug instead, Dan soon squeezing him back.

"You're gross." Dan murmured after a moment, patting Phil's sweat-soaked back above his rucksack.

"Hey! Shut up!" he complained, playfully punching Dan's arm. "It's your fault I'm like this!" he exclaimed looking down at himself where the wet dark spot on his t-shirt was sticking to his skin.

"It's not my fault you're sweating so much, Phil." Dan said. "How do you even store so much water in your body?" he questioned and reached out to push Phil's fringe away from his eyes, immediately after making a disgusted face and rubbing his palm against his shorts.

Phil pouted and hit Dan again, a smile returning to his lips some seconds later when Dan started laughing.

"Come on, let's go."

"Hold on." Dan murmured. He took of his backpack, dropping it on the floor and stuffing the bag with the medicine inside before replacing the straps over his shoulders. "Let's go."

Phil started walking again in the general direction of their building. It had started getting dark now, as he had predicted, and they had to hurry if they wanted to make it alive. Phil closed his eyes for a moment to shake the thought out of his head.

"What'd you get?" he asked to distract himself.

"Antibiotics, painkillers, all that stuff." Dan answered. "Some Zoloft as well." Phil furrows his eyebrows.

"That's for depression." Dan shrugged, a light smile tagging the ends of his mouth upwards.

"You never know when you're gonna need those." he giggled.

"Going through an existential crisis again?" Phil laughed.

"Have been for the last two years." Dan replied jokingly but Phil's smile fell immediately. There was some truth in what he said and he knew it. Phil cleared his throat and nodded. Soon silence fell over them as they kept walking.

Sometime later, as the level of adrenaline in his blood had decreased to almost zero, Phil's pace had slowed down. Dan was now the one leading the way and Phil didn't complain. Like this he managed to shut his brain off and mindlessly follow Dan around as he made his way through the city.

Dan decided to take a shortcut and turned left in an alley, regretting it immediately.

"Shit." muttered Dan under his breath as he saw the creature lurking in the restricted space of the alley. "C'mon. We'll go the other way around." he murmured, walking backwards, until the creature was out of sight.

They turned around choosing the main street this time, hoping the open space would keep them somewhat safer. They circled the next couple of blocks. But maybe they should have taken the shortcut, they thought later. It was only one lone walker, they were two well-functioning living humans and they could have taken it down easily.

Taking the usual route always took longer, which was absolutely fine in the light of day but they didn't have that anymore. It had gotten dark now, not enough to not be able to see without some artificial source of light but enough to make their shadows below them seemingly disappear as they stretched, covering the entire city. Thank god for the clear sky tonight. That allowed the moon to shine down at them and not leave them in complete darkness, but the moon hadn't risen in the sky high enough to be of much help.

They turned left again, now closer to home, and even though, their bodies were stiff with nerves and their senses acute, it took them some valuable seconds to notice the horde of limping walkers in front of them, blocking their only way if they didn't want to spend the entire night wandering around West London.

"Jesus..." muttered Phil under his breath.

To top that off, the walkers had noticed them first and an uproar filled the night as the dead started making their way towards the couple.

"Oh, come on!" complained Dan, seemingly unfased and merely irritated but they both knew damn well that that was not the case. Their hearts were hammering in their chests as they slowly took in the situation they were in.

A horde of at least twenty zombies was hot on their heel as they ran to the opposite direction. If this was the only obstacle that separated them from home, then they could make it there safe with a bit of luck, even if that meant they had to keep running full speed for an hour. However, these weren't they only walkers in the city - hell, they weren't even the only ones in West London.

Dan and Phil had come up with a system to count the walkers that made it into their region, to monitor their increase or, seldom, their decrease. They based their observations off clothes and what was left of their physical features. Last time they checked, which was about a week ago, they had counted seventy eight only in a secluded area around their shelter but walkers moved. Considering that, the number could have easily increased in the last seven days or, if they were lucky enough, decreased but either way the twenty or so zombies that were now following them wouldn't be the only ones coming for them tonight. And they were well aware of this.

See, apart from scent, noise was what attracted them and if the riot these were making was anything to go by, they would have an even bigger number of them joining the group behind them soon.

The two run as fast as they could back to where they had come from, both thinking of all the potential shortcuts on their way while willing their muscles to make them go faster.

The buildings around them were passing by in a blur as they looked around for an escape and as hard as they were both praying for a miracle, they were right before.

Another horde of zombies made its apprearance from a street to their right that they had just run by, along with single individuals making their appearance from inside alleys and building and they both let out a cry, pushing to go faster but they couldn't. They couldn't even properly breathe as panic surged through them. They couldn't even think straight.

Dan kept running forward, his eyes focused in the horizon as he frantically went through the memorized map of London in his mind trying to come up with a plan because he definitely had f*cked up big time this time.

However Phil was quick to see an opening to his right even through the haziness and took the turn, expecting Dan to follow.

"Phil!" he heard a scream from somewhere behind him, hearing it as if he was underwater, muffled and distant, and whipped his head around without his legs stopping to be faced with a bunch of the dead chasing him. Only then did he realise that Dan wasn't with him and was probably left behind with the monsters. His stomach turned and he used all of his concentration to not faint right there.

He whined and kicked his feet against the hard tarmac, his sole purpose now not to save himself but to find Dan, because he knew damn well that he had a chance to escape now if he climbed through a window - that would at least slow them down. But, no. No. He couldn't do that.

Dan looked next to him and then immediately behind him and, oh god no, Phil was nowhere to be seen. Dan felt like vomiting, not from the nerves this time but from the sheer terror he felt right at that moment. What if they had got to him? A new wave of panic kicked him hard in the gut at the thought of losing his companion and he wanted to cry. What if he couldn't follow and was behind being eaten alive right now? He had to go back and find him but that, stopping and turning around, felt almost like giving up and Dan couldn't find it within him so he kept running, tears blurring his vision.

But then a hand grabbed his forearm and after his mind momentarily freezing and preparing to defend himself he heard someone calling his name - "Dan!" - and Phil was there next to him, red and sweating from exertion, his eyes wide and red-rimmed as he looked at him with concern and Dan never felt more relieved in his life.

He grabbed his hand, squeezing as if to share his relief with the man next to him and let go after a moment allowing them both to find their pace again.

If the burning sensation in his stomach and the sound of his heart beating in his ears was anything to go by, Phil could guess - he could almost sense - how shaken Dan was and knew that he wouldn't be in any state to think rationally so he had to do it for both of them. He was determined to find a way out of this situation. His eyes persistently searched the city around him for a chance of salvation. They wouldn't be able to keep up their pace for much longer. They could already feel their lungs burning and their bones and muscles screaming in protest. They would soon give underneath them, there was no doubt, and then they were dead.

Then Phil spotted it and he would have screamed a victorious scream if his dry throat and his exhausted lungs would allow it. There amongst all the barricaded doors and windows there was this one window that was open wide welcoming them, leading to their escape.

"Come on!" he screamed to Dan, whose legs were obviously losing their power, and grabbed his hand pulling him behind him towards the window across the street. Dan reached behind him with his free hand to grab the handle of the machete sticking out from the top of his backpack. He let go of Phil's hand and pulled his gun from his belt at the same moment that Phil taking his out of its holster.

The windowsill was barely level with their necks. The ever decreasing levels of energy would make climbing up quite tricky but they had to act fast if they valued their lives. Mentally preparing himself to fight the approaching walkers, Phil went to push Dan up but Dan shoved him away.

"Go first!" he order, his voice pitched with fear but hoarse with exchaustion.

"Dan-" Phil protested because there was no way he left him behind again.

"Go!" Dan screamed watching with wide eyes as the walkers were closing in on them fast. He held his machete up and stretched his shaking arm out to point his gun at them, struggling to steady it.

Phil obeyed, taking of his rucksack and throwing it in through the window. He quickly gripped the windowsill and pulled himself up with a groan. He heard the hungry grunts coming closer by the second and tried to hurry when he suddenly heard Dan screaming and then a body falling to the ground with a disgusting wet thump.

Without a second to think he jumped down, quickly taking in the dead body with the bashed, bloody skull on the pavement and then his attention was on Dan who was a couple meters away fighting to dodge the snapping jaws of another walker.

"AAAH!" the brunet screamed as he swang his machete at it and a head fell to the ground, splattering him with crimson, before the body followed suit making a walker behind stambled to the ground quickly clawing at his leg. Dan yelped and tried to kick the hand off him.

A gunshot was heard, the walker's grip loosened and in the same second Phil was pulling Dan away from them and towards the wall, while successfully shooting another couple of them dead.

"Go up! Now!" Phil shouted, trying to be heard over the sound of gunshots going off in quick succession. He heard the blade of Dan's machete slice through flesh and the bodies falling to the ground, muffled screams and groans coming from him every some seconds - why was he taking so long? "Now, Dan!" he screamed again and this time he grabbed the machete out of Dan's hands and threw it through the open window. He turned around quickly and shot a bullet between the eyes of the walker that tried to get a grip of Dan.

Dan threw his backpack in and jumped and grabbing the windowsill, his legs scraping against the wall to push him up. He lied on his stomach on the marble, putting his arms against the inside of the wall on both sides and pulling himself in. He fell on his chest on the floor bellow, his mind allowing him one rational thought - there could be more walkers in there - before- Phil! He hurried up to his feet and bended down over the window, stretching his arm down for Phil to take.

"Phil!" he yelled to get his attention and Phil shot the one closest to him before he jumped and locked his fingers tightly around Dan's forearm, Dan doing the same on his. He could feel nails clawing at his shins but was soon out of their reach as Dan pulled him further up and inside the abandoned building.

They both fell on the floor next to each other, staring up at the ceiling and trying to catch their breaths. Phil adjusted his glasses and closed his eyes to the persistent grunts and the sound of fingernails scratching at the wall outside. He did his best to give all his attention to Dan's heavy breathing. Taking a deep breath himself, he turned his head and opened his eyes to look at Dan. Even in the dim light he could see his face flushed and glistening with sweat. He turned to look at him and gave him a weak smile, Phil responded with one himself. They were alive. This always amazed him at the first moments of peace after such a race against the dead.

But it wasn't meant for it to last as the sound of the door being torn off its hinges in the floor below echoed through the empty building, forcing them both to bold upright. Dan picked up his machete from where it had fallen and Phil prepared his gun, while they both put their backpacks back on. The hope that this was nothing that held danger was distant but persistent in both their minds. None of them had the courage or the energy to run anymore but in a second the realisation hit them as the bloodied head of the first walker emerged from the staircase. The more Dan and Phil backed towards the wall the more eyes appeared to be focused on them.

Phil took hold of Dan's hand and led him up the stairs with the sound of death following close behind them enforcing the motivation their legs needed to take them higher faster.

Closer now to the top floor they took the remaining steps two at a time and burst through the door that led to the rooftop of the building. Oh, what a great idea that was.

"Oh, my god." whined Dan "Oh, my god, what are we going to do!?" he screamed, frantically looking around, running his fingers through his hair and pulling, his eyes welling up with tears.

"Uh..I-I...Umm..." Phil mumbled partly to himself and partly to Dan. "Oh." he gasped and went around running, grabbing all the boxes and bricks he could find, one by one, and barricaded the door.

"Yeah, like that's going to help!" Dan cried.

"I'm trying to buy us time here!" Phil shouted back, throwing his arms in the air. He started pacing around the roof once more, combing his mind for something - anything. His hurried steps took him to the edge of the roof and he looked bellow at the empty alley, then across the gap to the next building.

"Dan?" he started, his voice quiet over the thunderstorm coming from fists banging at the door.

Dan turned to him with a broken look in his eyes, one hand still tangled in his hair, the other balanced on his hip.

"We have to jump." Phil stated simply, still avoiding to look at Dan. Dan's eyes widened momentarily as he took in the other's words, forcing them to make sense.

"Are you being serious?" he asked after a moment, almost whispering.

"It's not a big jump, we can make it." Phil reasoned, trying to sound determined but the uncertainty in his tone didn't go unnoticed.

"We can't do this, Phil! We're gonna die!" Dan shouted, coming closer to Phil, his arms wrapped tightly around himself.

"Dan!" Phil tried to get his unfocused eyes to focus on him. When Dan looked at him he continued. "It's our only chance." he said, looking at the alley below again. "It's better than being eaten alive anyway." he said the last part, quietly, fearfully.

Dan laughed a humourless laugh that ended too soon with a sniffle.

"Right. Okay." he muttered quietly as if talking to himself and walked closer to the edge to stand next to Phil. He looked underneath and gulped audibly. "Just give me a moment." he pleaded.

Suddenly the door swang open and banged against the outside wall with the force the walkers had pushed it out of their way, scattering the objects making up Phil's barricade. They started slowly flooding the rooftop, noticing the two men quickly and making their way towards them.

"No time for that." Phil said urgently. Without a second thought he took of his rucksack and threw it across the gap along with his gun. With a deep breath he took a couple large steps back and then lashed forward, jumping on the edge and flailing his arms as if he was flying before he landed on the other rooftop, losing his balance and falling before he got up again.

"Come on, Dan!" he encouraged him.

"Phil! I can't!" he cried.

"Yes, you can. I'm gonna catch you, now, come on!"

And with one last wimper, Dan coppied Phil's system. He threw his backpack for Phil to catch and he took two large strides backwards in the space that was left between him and the zombies and jumped off the edge, willing himself to not look down. With a gasp he landed on the edge of the other rooftop, the wall hitting him in the stomach and knocking the air out of him. Only his arms had managed to stay on, his legs flailing underneath him.

"Phil!" he cried and Phil pulled him up, helping him to stand up on his feet. Holding on to Phil's shoulder for support as he was certain his wombly legs would give out, he turned around to watch, mouth hanging open, as the zombies on the other building were roaming the rooftop. With their arms thrown towards the two men, their glassy unmoving eyes fixed on them, they beared their teeth at them as grunts escaped their throats and moved closer and closer to the edge.

Phil with his mouth agape as well glanced down below for a second before his eyes returned to the mass some meters away from them. A gasp escaped both men's parted lips as the first walker, then the second - and third - and soon the majority of them stumbled over the short wall at the edge and took a fall down the six story building, some hitting the wall on their way down, smearing the blood of their gashing wounds on its grey facade, and others landing on the pavement with dull thumps.

Phil looked at Dan, a grin slowly streching his lips as he realised that they had made it out of this mess safe and sound. Dan turned to look and him gave him a small tired smile. Phil shook his arm excitedly, giggling and Dan giggled along for some short seconds, his eyes shining and his body trembling with the rush off the chase. Shaking his head he turned around and walked to the corner. With a sigh he slid down the short wall and sat there, leaning back to it and watching Phil.

"Wow..." Phil giggled again, unable to believe his plan worked out, as he ran his fingers through his fringe and pushed his glasses up again. "That..." he shook his head, a wide smile plastered on his face. "That was bloody amazing!"

Dan laughed and agreed.

"It sure was." he nodded.

"I didn't think it would work!" he exclaimed in disbelief.

"I was scared shitless. I couldn't think of anything at that point." Dan admitted. "Thank God, for you." he added quietly. Phil laughed.

"Mmm." he said thoughtfully, looking down at the alley. "Do you think that killed them?"

"I...don't know..." Dan breathed, his voice no more than a whisper.

Phil leaned over the wall, propping his elbows there and looking around. He still couldn't believe they were still alive. They hadn't caused this much mess in a year or so and he was surprised back then as well, but they were living with a group at the time and, truth be told, they wouldn't have survived if it wasn't for those people. They had cheated death - that's how Phil had put it - so he wasn't expecting to escape fate this time but, holy shit, they had.

A sudden groan coming from his right, took his out of his trance, his head whipping towards his friend.

"Dan?" he said. Dan had curled up at the corner, knees drawn up to his chest, his face bowed down pressed against them and a hand gripping tightly at his hair. "Dan." Phil ran to him, kneeling down next to him, one gentle hand touching his forearm. "Dan, what's wrong?"

Dan shook his head against his knees.

"Did this whole thing upset you so much?" Phil asked half-jokingly expecting a response from Dan but he got none. "Hey. It's alright. We're alright, aren't we?" he added cheerfully.

But again no response came. No response apart from a loud sob and Dan curling more into himself. And now Phil was seriously worried.

"Dan, what is it?" he asked.

"'S nothing." he murmured, sounding rather convincing but Phil knew he was lying.

"Dan." Phil took hold of his wrist and tried to gently tag his hand out of his hair to see his face.

"Phil. No." he choked, tightening his grip on his hair and stiffening his arm so Phil couldn't move him.

"Come on. Tell-"

"I said it's nothing Phil!" Dan shouted, now angry, and lifted his head for only some short seconds before dropping it down once again, his fist balling in his hair, but it was enough for Phil to see.

Dan was crying, his puffy eyes bloodshot and glistening. His face was covered in tears and snot and even though it was red from crying, Phil could tell that it had lost its usual colour, having been replaced by a more dead hue, like his skin was transparent. And he was sweating. Phil couldn't help but notice that his curly hair was sticking to his temples and his forehead. He shouldn't still be sweating. However, he hadn't noticed until now that he was shaking, small shivers quaking his entire body and Phil's stomach dropped with worry and fear, as he came to realisation.

"Dan." he said carefully, his voice soft but steady. "Show me." he pleaded as he placed a reassuring hand on Dan's shoulder.

"No. Please." Dan whined.

"It's okay. Show me." he repeated and tried to ignore the bile rising in his throat and his stomach turning uncomfortably.

This time Dan raised his head, letting it lean against the wall behind him ready to give up, and looked at Phil through his eyelashes. His fingers left his head and tightly gripped at his knee, his knuckles turning white.

"Phil, please." Dan pleaded, his voice just above a whisper as a sob escaped his mouth.

"It's alright, Dan." he gave the brunet a reassuring smile. "You can show me. Please." he added.

Dan whined and tears welled up in his eyes, flowing down his cheeks and making their way to his neck. He blinked to clear his vision and dropped his gaze to his abdomen.

Phil followed his eyes to where they were looking.

Dan's arm was wrapped around his torso. Just underneath where his palm was resting there was red soaking through the white fabric of his t-shirt.

Phil gulped and tried to breathe. He slowly averted his eyes from the spot and looked up at Dan who was staring at him.

"Can I?" asked Phil softly, not breaking eye-contact as his fingers etched closer to the hem of Dan's t-shirt making him flinch. Dan averted his eyes and nodded. Taking a couple gulps of air he unwound his arm from around himself to give Phil access.

Phil took hold of the hem of his t-shirt and slowly pulled it away from Dan's skin, bunching it in his fists as he moved upwards towards his ribs. There on his side just below his ribcage, Phil could clearly see even in the dark, a bleeding wound contrasting with Dan's skin.

"Oh, my God." he whispered as his stomach turned again. Through the thick blood flowing from the wound he would make out the shape of upper and lower teeth vertically marking Dan's skin, a piece of it having been ripped off and hanging as the lower teeth must have sank deeper and dragged in through the flesh. "Jesus." Phil breathed and lifted his head to look at Dan.

He was looking up at the night sky blinking repeatedly to prevent tears from coming, though his lip was trembling.

And Phil tried to think of anything because he was sure he was seconds away from a panic attack. His breathing was becoming rapid, tears were stinging in his eyes and his hands were shaking violently.

He let go of Dan and quickly crawled over to where he'd dropped his and Dan's backpacks, bringing it closer to Dan and kneeling down next to him like he was before. He unzipped it and quickly took out a flashlight, a bottle of water and their first aid kit.

"When?" Phil asked, turning on the flashlight and proping it on his rucksack to illuminate Dan's torso.

"Before we got in... I-" he replied, quickly shutting his mouth before he could continue his sentence. He didn't trust his voice to keep speaking, he knew it would break somewhere between his next few words and desperately wanted to keep some of his dignity for Phil. Because Phil was always the strong one for the sake of the both of them, because he could tell how upset Phil was at this moment no matter how hard he was trying to hide it for the sake of the both of them.

Phil's eyes widened, his hands froze in their movements in the box and he took in a sharp breath as his mind sent him back to the time that Dan was talking about. He cursed himself because now, looking back at it, he could pinpoint the exact moment it happened and he could have prevented it and it was his fault. Phil bit down hard on the inside of his cheeks to stop the wave of the emotions that came threatening to choke him and force him to lose his calm. He couldn't let that happen. He had to be strong.

Phil shook his head to rid of the thoughts and started moving once again, his movements frantic.

"You have to lie down." he told Dan and wrapped an arm around his back to help him move. "Hold this up for me." he instructed, pointing to Dan's t-shirt and somehow managing to keep his tone gentle. Dan warily took hold of the hem and lifted it up to his sternum.

Phil took their shared water bottle out of his backpack, took the lid off and brought it above the bite.

"No." Dan stopped him with a hand on his wrist before Phil could pour the liquid.

"I have to clean the wound." Phil explained going to tip the bottle before he was stopped once again.

"This is the only clean water we have left." Dan said sternly through clenched teeth, looking at him in the eye with raised eyebrows.

"I know." Phil murmured with a pleading look filling his eyes, begging Dan to let him do this. He placed his hand on Dan's chest and pushed him to lay back on the floor and relax.

He took the bottle again and tipped it over. He poured half of the clean water on Dan's wound making him hiss in pain and turn his head away from Phil, biting his lip to stop more sounds from coming out. Bloodied water ran down his side and onto the concrete underneath, slightly wetting the waistband of Dan's shorts. Phil sat back on his heels, placing his fingers ligthly near the bite and inspecting it. This wouldn't do much to help them avoid the virus from spreading through his system. He needed to make sure all the microbes were out.

"I'm so sorry, Phil." Dan suddenly said, his voice breaking. He turned his head to the other direction and started crying again rubbing a shaky hand over his face.

"Hey, no." Phil said, quickly moving closer to Dan and letting go of the bottle to hold his chin between his finger and turn his head so he was looking at him. "Don't be sorry, Dan. It's not your fault." Dan looked at him for a second tears still flowing down the sides of his face. "Okay?" asked Phil, cupping his face in his hands and wiping his tears. Dan nodded.

"Use the alcohol." said Dan in an attempt to change the subject, eying the black box next to Phil.

Phil froze for a couple long seconds. He couldn't speak. His body was stiff with nerves and fear and tears threatening to spill. This would hurt Dan immensely, he knew, but he was right. It was their only option and their only chance. He had to do it. So he took the alcohol out of the first aid kit along with a ball of cotton. He unscrewed the lid of the bottle and took the cotton ball in his other hand, looking frantically between it and the open wound. There was no way he could use it without getting fibers stuck in its rugged edges.

He looked at Dan to make sure he still was okay with that, expecting him to be scared. But Dan looked up at him, face calm, and nodded, giving him permission to go on. Phil nodded as well and placed the cotton back inside the box. Holding the alcohol firmly in his hand, he brought it just above Dan's side and Dan shifted slightly so all the excess liquid could just flow down onto the floor.

"Dan." Phil warned him quietly, his voice shaking as did his hands.

"Do it."

"I'm sorry." Phil managed to say before he tipped the bottle, the clear liquid flowing on the wound and an ear-piercing scream leaving Dan's lips. The tendons and the veins on his throat showed through his skin as he threw his head back against the floor and clenched his teeth. He instinctively squirmed away from the cause of his agony and half-turned to his side away from Phil. His left hand gripped on Phil's thigh painfully hard, making his knuckles go white while his right clenched into a fist and put inside his mouth to muffle his screaming.

It soon ceased as his breath was caught in his throat and his eyes opened wide, unable to focus on anything. His ears were ringing, he was sweating and his side was on fire - Jesus fucking Christ, somebody make it stop!

"Dan. Breathe." Phil commanded but it came out as a plead and even though Dan couldn't even remember where he was he could hear the concern tainting Phil's voice. "Breathe. It's okay, it's over." he said, his hands hovering over him, unsure of what to do.

Dan blinked, his eyes focusing at last, and he looked at Phil. His cheeks were glistening. He was crying.

He choked on a sob when he managed to persuade his lungs to suck air in. His arms shoot up and his balled in Phil's shirt. Groans were escaping his lips in between his ragged breathing. Phil instructed him to inhale and then exhale, inhale and exhale, demonstrating how, taking deep breaths and letting them out slowly himself, while Dan watched intently, his own uneven and rapid breathing becoming rhythmic again after a while.

Phil gently pried Dan's fingers off his own t-shirt and placed his arms down at his sides. Dan whined when Phil moved out of his vision and tried to get up.

"No. Shh." Phil hushed him. "I'm here."

He took a roll bandage out of the kit.

"I'll need you to sit up now." he instructed but before Dan could move a pair of arms was already around him, pulling him into a sitting position. "Lean against me." he murmured into Dan's ear as he placed his head on one of his shoulders and then his arm around his other. Sitting between his legs and straightening his own spine to help keep the brunet upright, Phil unrolled the bandage while wrapping it around Dan's torso a few times, hearing him take little sharp breaths every time he wrapped it over the wound.

"Alright." he murmured when he was done.

Phil leaned backwards and brought Dan's backpack closer. While one hand was rubbing soothingly against Dan's back he took the bag of medicine out and emptied its contents on the floor in front of their light source. He grabbed bottle after bottle trying to find the strongest antibiotics and painkillers Dan had picked out from the store. He picked out two bottles and set them aside, throwing the others into the plastic bag along with a larger one that read Zoloft on it and Phil couldn't but feel a lump rising in his throat as he recalled the conversation he had had with Dan only about an hour ago.

_"What'd you get?" he asked to distract himself._

_"Antibiotics, painkillers, all that stuff." Dan answered. "Some Zoloft as well." Phil furrows his eyebrows._

_"That's for depression." Dan shrugged, a light smile tagging the ends of his mouth upwards._

_"You never know when you're gonna need those." he giggled._

_"Going through an existential crisis again?" Phil laughed._

He blinked, getting out of his trance and threw the large bottle in the bag along with the others. He took a pill out of each of the other two bottles and held them into his palm. He pushed Dan slightly away from him to have access to his mouth.

"Dan? Take these." he murmured.

Dan opened his eyes just a bit, unable to focus on anything. Phil pushed the pills against his lips and Dan exhaustively let his lips fall open for Phil to drop them in. Phil took the water bottle and brought it to Dan's lips.

"Drink." he said and Dan took a couple large swigs, swallowing the pills. He placed the bottle back down and glanced at the brunet in his arms. Dan looked exhausted, dark circles maring his eyes and his colour still hadn't returned to normal.

Still holding him upright, Phil scooted over to lean against the corner that Dan was leaning in before. He placed his hands underneath Dan's arms and pulled him backwards to lie on his chest. He clicked the flashlight off and protectively wrapped his arms around the younger's torso, careful not to go near his side.

"Phil." Dan whined quietly. "I'm so sorry." he murmured, his exhaustion making the words come out slurred.

Phil quietly sniffled back the tears that threatened to come. He buried his nose in the curly mess of hair on top of Dan's head, inhaling his scent. He tightened his hold around him and felt Dan's hands weakly hold onto his forearms on his chest. Phil lightly kissed the top of his head.

"Shh... It's going to be alright." he soothed him. "We'll get through this. It will be fine in the morning."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is soooo much longer than i had intended i'm so sorry.  
> i've been in a very bad mental and emotional state lately and that resulted in a huge writer's block so I had to write this baby which I had in my head for a long time. and you have no clue how hard it was to edit this.  
> i hope you enjoyed reading this one. second chapter is ready and will be up soon(ish) and i'm currently writting chapter three so be ready for that.  
> until then ^_^


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> don't forget the music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa6vvYOq-gE

"Dan?" Phil spoke softly, shaking the man in his arms gently. He slowly untangled himself from around him and got out from underneath him. He positioned him against the wall again and squatted down in front of him. "Dan?" he said and shook him again to wake him up.

Dan didn't move, his head falling limply to rest against his chest. Phil panicked, cold sweat running up his spine and his breathing getting stuck in his throat. He gulped to get a grip and extended his arm, letting his fingers hover just below Dan's nose. His warm breath fanning over his knuckles took the tension out of his body as soon as it had come over him and he let out a sigh of relief.

"Dan. You have to wake up." Phil cupped his face and tilted it up to take a look a him.

Dan stirred and placed his hands on the floor to push himself up. The movement put pressure on his side making him jerk with a gasp and fall back against the wall with a soft groan.

"Hey." Phil smiled once Dan's eyes were open and blurrily looked at him. Dan smiled back a droopy smile, his eyes hooded and red.

"Hey." he whispered hoarsely between taking deep breaths.

Phil's cool fingers brushed his hair away from his face making his eyes flutter closed. He let out a sigh that irritated his dry throat making him cough, curling inwards for a second as it sent another wave of agony to his side.

"Drink this." Phil ordered, bringing the bottle to his lips. He titled it back but only allowed Dan one little sip before he took it away replacing it with two pills - painkillers, Dan managed to make out through his blurred vision. Phil dropped the pills in his mouth and let him drink the last of the water they had left. "How much does it hurt?" Phil asked warily while his hands were working inside his backpack.

Dan blinked as he tried to think. His left side felt as if it was constantly on fire and he could feel the swelling as well. But it definitely was not the worst he'd ever felt. He'd had serious injuries in the past, wounds that had got infected and marred his skin with scars that still faintly reminded him the agony he had gone through. And of course, there was the events of last night, fresh and vivid in his mind. How could he forget those?

He'd never been bitten before - obviously - but he had heard stories from people, however few, who made it out of this alive. They had been lucky enough to have the infected limbs cut off before the virus could spread through their system and even luckier to survive the blood loss or the infections that followed. The seconds after he'd been bitten were the worst - if he could ignore the moments he spent in hell while Phil tried to disinfect the bite. He'd never felt anything as excruciatingly intense as this before in his entire life but looking back at it now that the pain had minutely subsided, it felt as if it was the sheer terror of the situation that made it such.

"Six." he eventually replied. He'd give the bite itself an eight but at the moment the pain was not that much at all. Last night was the worst and yes, he could give it his 10 but Dan reckoned he could still be hurt worse than that so he would save it for later.

Phil furrowed his eyebrows and with a brief glance up to Dan's face he nodded.

"I have to check it." he said, slowly moving his hands towards Dan's torso. "Can I?"

Dan nodded his permission and leaned off the wall to give Phil space to remove the bandage. He lifted his once somewhat clean t-shirt up to his chest and Phil set to work. He removed the clip and started unrolling the once crisp white cloth. Each layer was more stained red than the last and he couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine. The last layer, soaking with half-dried blood, stuck to Dan's skin and as it was peeled off his skin followed and Dan winced before the bandage was fully off.

The area around the bite was red and swollen as he had expected and the wound itself was no better. The blood that was freely flowing last night had now clotted and prevented further blood loss, thank God, apart from a couple red beads of crimson appearing from the deeper dents.

"How bad is it?" croaked Dan's small voice. Phil peeled his gaze of the teeth marks to look at Dan. His eyes were glistening with tears and turned towards the morning sky but they weren't really seeing anything, focused on feeling every one of Phil's movements.

"Not that bad." Phil lied in a cheerful tone that he wasn't feeling in the least.

Dan hesitantly looked down at his body to inspect the wound, barely swallowing back his whimper.

"It's swollen." he murmured weakly staring at the infected-looking patch of flesh. It was worse than it felt, worse than he had let himself hope for it to be.

"That's-" Phil cleared his throat, "That's normal." he said professionally, his voice sounding too steady for what he was feeling.

Dan took a shaky beath while Phil occupied himself with the bloodied bandage. He folded it, hiding the red underneath the cleaner parts and poured a bit of alcohol on it. Bringing it closer to Dan's ribs he looked up at him for permission before he pressed the cloth against the wound, making Dan whimper and press his face against his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry." Phil whispered, barely audible. "Hold this here for me, alright?" Dan brought a shaky hand and replaced it where Phil's was lying on his side, scrunching his nose up at the pressure. 

Phil handed Dan his gun and turned around throwing the things left scattered on the floor into his backpack. He slung his over one shoulder and threw Dan's over the other. 

"Where are you going?" asked the brunette who was watching Phil with a deep frown on his face.

"To the flat to pick up some stuff. We have some clean bandages there. And then I'll find a car so we can leave." he explained hurriedly as his hands lightly pressed against Dan's ribs inspecting the injury one last time. 

"What? No." Dan hurried to say, his eyes filling with fear. 

"I'll be back to pick you up in about an hour." he said, standing up and moving away from him.

"No, Phil- I'm coming too." he raised his voice to stop his friend, his legs kicking hastily on the floor in a failed attempt to stand up.

"No, you're not." Phil said in an exasperated tone as he rotated his torso to look at him.

"Please. I-" his unoccupied hand pressed against the wall next to him, managing to lift his body in an awkward crouch and Phil was next to him in a second trying to push him back down. "Please!" Dan cried again but Phil was having none of it, pushing harder until he had him sat down. The brunette's arm shot up to grip at the other man's. "I need to see the flat one last time. Please." he begged looking him in the eye, his expression sincere and full of emotion and that seemed to be doing it for a second as Phil's softened. However, his eyes were hard with determination half a second later. He shook his head. 

"We'll be coming back, Dan. I'm not gonna be taking all of our stuff now anyway." he reasoned, standing up and walking away again. "You're seeing it next time when you'll be stronger to walk." he continued and Dan had to fight the urge to roll his eyes. 

"There will be no next time, Phil." he almost yelled at Phil's back, making him stop on his tracks.

"Listen to me." Phil said in a low voice, turning around and quickly pacing back to squat down in front of him. "You're gonna be fine. We're gonna get through this." he said quietly and his intense stare, full of hope and anger and fear prevented Dan's next words from coming out because how on earth was he suppossed to say otherwise and crush Phil right there and then? So, he clenched his teeth and his fist and nodded, averting his eyes because he couldn't let Phil know how much it hurt that he wouldn't get to say goodbye to the place he had called his home for years.

Phil gave him a brief smile and stood up, making his way to the door.

"I won't be long, I promise."

And with that Dan was left alone on the rooftop as the first beams of light shone over the high buildings of the city.

 

~~~.~~~

 

Phil shut the door and secured it as best as he could with the rusty pipe he found in a pile of junkin the corner. He rushed down the stairs, gun firmly in hand, and to his surprise made it out of the building without any encounter. He walked outside in a rush and repeated the process to keep the building safe and then off he went.

He walked in a fast pace down the street for some meters but soon the adrenaline and fear had him running full speed. He had to control himself and form a steady pace to make it to their apartment block otherwise he'd have to walk the rest of the distance and he could not afford that.

They weren't that far from it. The chase last night had brought them significantly closer to home without them realising. They didn't have the time to look around them for more than a way out.

Now that he had somewhat more time to look around him though he used it to find a car that seemed likely to work. The first six he came across that looked fairly functional were on further inspection missing vital parts and each time he felt a wave of disappointment wash over him. When he could see his building in the distance he had already lost any hope of finding a working one but as if someone had heard his prayers he found one that seemed like it could do it, just across the street.

Phil effectively dodged the few walkers he came across on his way, avoiding bushing any rotting skulls in, and silently praised the universe for making it when he reached the door to their building.

He dropped his rucksack to his feet and rummaged through it, victoriously fishing out a set of keys some seconds later. He looked around briefly to make sure he wasn't being followed. Even though London was for the most part empty nowadays there were still certain groups that decided to roam the city from time to time and more often than not they were not looking for friendship. Seeing no one around and hearing no potential threat he unlocked the door and pushed it one third of the way open. He snaked his arm around it tracing the thin thread with his fingers until he found the nail on the wall and unwound it from around it.

Living here for so long and having bumped into many not-so-friendly strangers _in their house_  they had learned to protect themselves with make-shift traps all around the building. Rushing in, he shut the door behind him and locked it before taking the stairs to their apartment two at a time. He unlocked that door too, repeating the procedure with yet another thread and ran straight to the bathroom.

He emptied the contents of both their backpacks on the dirty tile floor and dropped his in there, carrying Dan's to his bedroom and burying himself in the wardrobe. He picked up t-shirt after t-shirt throwing them over his shoulder on his bed, along with a couple pairs of jeans and a couple jumpers. They'd come back but he couldn't be sure when so he had to be prepared for the worst possible weather England could give them.

He folded them as neatly as he could with his hands shaking and placed them in order on top of each other in the bottom of the backpack.

Holding one strap and dragging it behind him, he made his way on to the next room, Dan's. He burried himself in Dan's wardrobe like he did before, persuading himself that the faint hint of Dan's scent in there was not important at the moment. He repeated the procedure, throwing clothes behind his back and hearing as they landed on the floor. He folded them up and arranged them neatly in the backpack.

Making his way back to the bathroom he rummaged through the cupboards finding their pharmacy box. He took a roll of gauge and a small white bottle of alcohol and shoved them both in his pockets. He placed the pharmacy atop the clothes and dropped in the bottles of pills as well as the torch and the box of matches. Then he rushed to the kitchen after grabbing the empty water bottle from the floor, their backpacks dragged behind him.

He pulled the four 5-liter bottles of clean water from the cupboard underneath the sink. He used one to fill four bottles that they'd carry in their backpacks and set the rest of them on top of the stairs to take with him before leaving. Walking to the other end of the kitchen he opened the cupboards they kept their food supplies in and set every can and packet on the counter, old unopened packages of batteries and bullets from the drawer next to the fridge following.

He arranged the boxes and the food in his backpack that was balanced at the end of the counter. Cans placed on top of each other before the rest of the water bottles followed. The paper packages went in last - Phil knew that Dan would not appreaciate his buscuits to be nothing but crumbles when he opened it.

Phil carried the containers to the entrance and then brought the backpacks there as well, leaving them leaning against the wall. 

All the supplies they needed were ready and waiting. He only had to put them in the car, an SUV on top of that, and once again praised any deity that had it was parked so close to their apartment block.

The entire building belonged to them now. After the outburst it didn't take long for more than half the city to either be killed or migrate to save their lives. Dan and Phil didn't know which of the two had happened to their neighbours and their landlord because they barely saw them after that. They had both had a mental breakdown after they had witenessed the mayhem with their own eyes and locked themselves in for days. When they eventually decided it was time they went outside to get food the entire building was empty with no trace of their neighbours anywhere around the area. They thought that maybe the landlord would visit soon for a reason or another but he never did. After the initial shock they got to work and secured the whole place, claiming it as theirs and making sure no intruders would make it further than the main door alive, whether it be a walker or a person.

They had filled their apartment with the every day necessities such as food and water and their clothes. The other apartments served as archeries, celars and panic rooms, that were located on almost every floor in case they couldn't make it out in the street in the event of an intrusion.

The flat on the ground floor served as a storeroom, the second most secured one after the one with their food supplies that didn't fit into their own flat. While the apartment seemed abandoned and filled with absolutely nothing of worth the room at the far back was filled with barrels of gasoline. Each one had an makeshift tap set in so they could fill bottles with the exact amount they needed.

Phil removed the string that was taut, secured parallel to the floor just a couple inches over it, careful not to pull the trigger and unlocked the door heading straight for the room. In one corner of it standing tall was a tower of empty plastic bottles, balanced on top of each other and Phil grabbed an armfull which he dropped nxt to the first barrel. He placed one after the other underneath the faucet on the bottom of it and turned it on and moving from container to container, emptying three of them in twelve 5-liter bottles. He turned the faucet off and stood up, rubbing his palms against his shorts.

"Right." he murmured to himself. He took a bottle in each hand and rushed out of the building, down the road, to the SUV. He filled the tank and ran back in with the two now empty bottles, refilling them and putting the lids on.

It took him eight trips back and forth to put everything in the car and a last one back to lock the doors and set his traps.

He pulled his gun out of its holster and a pair of scissors from his pocket and ran to the SUV. He sat in getting comfortable and ticking off things from the mental lists he'd made to make sure he had everything they'd need. He pushed the scissor blades in the ignition and jabbed them around a bit until they clicked and turned it to the right and the car came to life with a low hum. Phil's brief smile fell as he spotted the couple walkers that were already making their way towards the sound and he quickly pulled out of the parking spot, speeding up downt the street. If everything went as planned he estimated he'd reach Dan in about five minutes.

Although he was doing his best to keep his focus on the road and on the map he was seeing in his mind's eye so he could even save a couple minutes of driving, his brain would not shut up. Every possible scenario appeared in a quick sequence of images that, while clearly a figment of Phil's imagination, were filled with blood and monsters and a broken Dan. 

 _Dan_. 

Anything could have happened to Dan while he was gone.  _Dammit_. Why the f*ck did he think that leaving Dan there alone was ever, under any cincumstances, okay. It was not _okay_. It was not  _safe_. Fucking hell, he could be eaten alive while Phil was wasting time picking his clothes for the bloody trip.

Phil took a right turn only to be met with a small group of walkers, their heads turning to the sound of the engine, and he cursed loudly in the constricted space of the car, because he absolutely didn't have the time for this right now. However, he could also see the open window that they climbed in through and then, right next to it, the building that Dan was in.

His foot kicked down hard on the gas and the car jerked forward towards the dead. The first thud almost went unnoticed and the second made him flinch a bit as the walker was thrown on the window and latched on the wipers but the next one only made him speed up more as he watched his target coming closer, bringing him closer to Dan.

The wheels screeched on the concrete as he suddenly stepped on the brake and jumped out without a second thought, kicking the car door close and running to the entrance. He removed the pole he had used before to secure the door and dashed inside, using it again on the inside the exact moment the first hand banged on the door. The old wooden door wouldn't stop them but it would at least provide him with enough time to get to Dan.

He ran up the stairs all the way to the rooftop, quickly removing the pole he had used there and kicking the jammed door open.

Dan gasped and pushed himself back in the corner, eyes wide in horror for a couple short seconds before he realised it was not a threat walking towards him.

"Phil." he said breathless, his eyes softening and his arms shooting up to reach for him.

"Dan." Phil panted and hurried over to him. "Are you alright?" he asked in a rush, hands messily touching his arms, his chest, his face as if to make sure he was actually there and unharmed.

"Yes." he replied, his own eyes scanning over Phil's body to answer his own unsaid question.

He watched as Phil pulled a roll of gauge and a bottle of alcohol out from his front pockets and his breath hitched a bit, going completely unnoticed though as Phil's finger's frantically fambled with the white material.

Phil moved Dan's hand away and threw the dirty bandage out of the way, this time having prepared himself for the sight. Dan placed his hand on Phil's shoulder and pulled himself away from the wall giving him access. Phil poured a bit of alcohol on the white cloth and swiftly wrapped it around Dan's torso, pulling his dirty t-shirt down when he was done.

His arm quickly snaked around Dan and pulled him to his feet. Dan's legs were doing a poor job of supporting his weight, so Phil did, as he slowly led his to the door, one of his arms gripping tightly below Dan's left while his right was drapped over his shoulders.

"Does it hurt?" Phil asked.

"I'm fine." Dan breathed and Phil didn't believe him, the strain in his voice too obvious despite his attempt to hide it, but he decided to ignore it until they were out of danger's way. For the most part at least.

Descenting the stairs was trickier than they both had imagined. Dan was weaker than he seemed. His legs wouldn't seem to cooperate and he would trip every so often, or double over with every pang of pain that shoot through his body. By the time the had descended two flights of stairs Phil had to support his full weight as he could barely stand upside and his own legs shook with the effort, the fingers gripping tightly at him ached.

It took longer than they had estimated but they eventually made it to ground floor facing the wooden door in horror. The number of walkers had doubled during the last ten minutes and a hole was punched through the lower part of the door, allowing for cold hands to scratch hungrily on the inside.

"Phil?" Dan voice shook, his breathing uneven from the exertion.

"Do-Don't worry. I got this." Phil said with some confidence but he had got nothing. The car was parked just outside this door that had transformed into a death trap just in the span of a few minutes. How were they supposed to get out of the building? Dan wouldn't be able to make the jump if they were to get out the way they had got in. And there was absolutely no way he could fight those off or ran either.

Phil panickedly looked around the lobby. There should be something.  _Something_. He needed to look. He removed Dan's arm from around him and helped him over to the nearest wall for support.

"What are you doing?" Dan questioned as Phil jogged from corner to corner.

"I'll find us a way out." he informed, jumping around for a moment more before running to the back, behind the staircase, out of Dan's side.

"Phil?" Dan called out in fear. "Phil!?" he cried panickedly when he heard Phil gasp.

Some long agonizing seconds later Phil was running back and Dan let out a breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

"Come on." he said excitedly, looping his arm around Dan once again and leading him to the back of the building over to a window barricaded with moldy planks of wood.

He let go off Dan and started pulling the planks out letting the day light stream in through the cracks until the window was left wide open.

It was a small one though - barely a human could fit through at a time - and it was high enough for them to need to step on something or haul themselves up.

"Come on." Phil urged Dan to go closer.

"Phil, I don't know..." he whimpered, staring at the window.

"Why? Come on!" he said again, his voice pitched as his hand frantically montioned for him to approach but Dan hesitated again. "Dan, we have to." Phil almost pleaded so Dan moved closer, quickly grabbing Phil's hand for support.

"How?" he asked with his voice shaking.

Phil squated down and laced his fingers together, creating a step for Dan to use.

"I'll push you up." he said reassuringly and Dan obeyed, gripping the edge of the window and placing his left foot in Phil's hands. He barely needed to do anything himself as Phil lifted him in one swift motion so Dan could get outside to his shoulders. He looked below and gulped. It wasn't too high but he wasn't sure he could make the jump in his condition and come out without any broken limbs.

"And then what?" he questioned again, though his voice was not filled with the defiance that Phil was used to but in fear and insecurity.

"You'll make it." Phil reassured him and pushed him further up.

Dan placed his hands steadily on the windowsill outside and tried to pull himself up, determined to make it. And make it he did until a certain point.

Everything went perfect and he thought that even in his lack of strength he could do it but the window was not wide enough. A brief scream escaped his lips without him being fast enough to stiffle it as his side pressed against the wall. His fist flew up to his mouth to muffle the cries that were coming.

"Dan! Dan, oh my god, are you alright?" Phil squealled, instictively bringing his hands to grip at Dan's legs but he didn't know what to do.

"I can't-I can't do it." he gasped in agony.

"Y-You can. It's just a bit more- you're almost out." Phil encouraged but Dan shook his head.

"No- I can't. I can't fit. Ah-" he took a deep breath, tears staining his vision and sliding down his cheeks and his nose, tickling it. "It hurts." he whined, screwing his eyes shut.

"Oh my god." Phil whispered, his eyes wide staring at Dan because,  _f*ck_ , he had f*cked up. And Dan was actually hurt this time. "Can you come back in?" he asked, willing his voice to remain steady.

"I-I think." he nodded and tried to push himself back inside while Phil pulled at his legs. His side brushed against the wall once more and his mouth opened in a silent cry with his eyes open wide. He felt himself falling backwards inside the building again but Phil had his arms under him before his feet could crash to the ground, letting him down gently. His legs gave underneath him and he barely managed to spin around in time so his back was against the wall before he hit the floor. He breathed heavily, the sound mixing with Phil's own panicked breathing as he paced around trying to think of a plan B.

"I'm sorry." Dan croaked but Phil said nothing.

Dan's eyes slowly opened and he blinked to clear his vision as Phil kept pacing around. He bowed his head and rubbed at his temples to try and get rid of the lightheadedness and maybe get some control over his breathing as well. 

His ears barely picked up the quiet click and he lifted his head in time to see Phil pulling his gun out of its holster. He flinched - what did he think? That Phil would shoot him? - but Phil passed him by and instead walked over to the window. He hopped up and caught himself on the windowsill with his forearm flat on it keeping him up while his other arm extended and a shot, and then another, and another, resounded through the streets outside.

He jumped back down and walked away from the window.

"Let's hope this will work." he said quietly to himself, staring at his feet, while Dan stared up at him through his eyelashes feeling guilty because if this floor became their deathbed it would all be his fault.

"I- Phil. Are you mad a-" Dan started but Phil eyes widened and he interrupted him.

"Shh!" He raised a hand to silence him. "Listen." And Dan listened.

The riot that was coming through the door at the front of the ground floor was now replaced with silence; unnerving silence. The two men looked at each other in disbelief. A few more seconds passed and the low hum of their grunts was heard again, coming closer, but this time from a completely different direction. Phil jerked upright and ran to the window, pulling himself up and looking outside at the alley at the back of the building. The walkers had moved, letting go of the front door and following the gunshots like he had planned.

"It worked!" Phil cheered in disbelief, immediately pulling a smiling Dan up. "Come on!" he urged him as he ran as best as he could with Dan limping next to him to the front door.

He pulled the pole that was about to fall off anyway and yanged the door out of their way, hurrying to the car.

"Wow." commented Dan.

"I know, right?" Phil laughed a humourless laugh as he led Dan to the passenger's side. He opened the door and set him inside, helping him move his legs in. He pushed the door close and rushed to his side as another group of walkers slowly approached them.

He did the trick with the scissors again and stepped hard on the gas, the car jerking forward and the wheels screeching as they left the hands hitting the windows behind them.

They both relaxed in their sits and let out a sigh of relief.

"We made it." Phil whispered and laughed a little, Dan agreeing and giggling along for some short seconds before he choked on a cough.

"Need some water?" Phil let go off the wheel with one hand and stretched back to grab his backpack.

"Phil, eyes on the road." Dan scolded him and Phil smiled fondly at the familiarity of the words.

"Why, you think I'm gonna drive into the opposite lane?" Dan halfheatedly rolled his eyes.

"You could run over the pedestrians." he pointed at a couple walkers that they passed by, making Phil laugh as he took a bottle of water out and handed it to Dan.

"Do you need any help?" he eyed Dan worriedly, whose hands were shaking as he lifted the bottle to his lips. Dan shook his head and sipped a quorter of the bottle in three big galps. "Anything to eat?"

"No." he simply said screwing the lid back on and holding the bottle in his lap. Phil nodded.

"It won't take long. We'll be there in about an hour." Phil said, trying to make small talk to lighten the mood but Dan obviously wasn't in for it.

"Good." said Dan quietly, resting his head back on his seat. Phil sighed.

"Get some sleep. I'll wake you up when we're there." Dan hummed in response already falling asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh! At last!  
> I wanted to wait a bit till I posted this one but i couldn't I'm so excited for this!! :D  
> So this and next part were supposed to be one chapter but the whole thing would have been over 15K I'm not joking.  
> Also, you have no idea how long this took to write. I don't know why it was so hard to put my thoughts into words. And just so you know next part(being edited rn, mind you) is even harder to write, pray for me.  
> Hope you enjoyed this!
> 
> Prepare yourselves for a very long, very emo chapter!
> 
> kudos and comments are very much appreciated *_*


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Originally posted on Wattpad.
> 
> Music to go with it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YvQXc-PpGF4
> 
> Ok, so this is the last chapter of my very first phanfic. This was just a random idea while on the bus ride back home some months ago and now it's written and so much longer than I had expected it to be. This is supposed to be full-on angst with a pinch of fluff but, oh god, how I wanted to make puns about half of the things I wrote.  
> Also, sorry for the cringy bits. I know I had several cringe attacks while editting. But I'm actually quite proud of how this turned out and I love angst and ApocalypseAu and I hope you do too. Why don't you leave a comment telling me what you thought of it? And kudos are always so much appreciated.  
> Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, everybody(you can take that as a quite-early x-mas present and if you do I'm sorry)

Phil had been driving for about thirty five minutes when he eventually worked up enough courage to look over at Dan.

His head was hanging, his chin pressed against his chest as it moved up and down in a rapid and unsteady pace with every breath. His lips were dry and chapped. Underneath the slight sheen of sweat that glistened in the dim light of the cloudy sky his skin was pale - paler than usual - with an unhealthy grey undertone to it that made Phil's stomach turn.

Phil quickly looked away and had to take some deep breaths to calm his hammering heart.

He reached out with his hand and gently brushed Dan's cheek with his fingertips. He was warm. Unusually warm.

Phil withdrew his hand and his foot stepped harder on the gas, the car rushing forward. He had to make it to the farm as soon as possible. Dan needed to rest properly and eat - he hadn't eaten in a bit more than a day, Phil noted with concern. No wonder why he looked so weak then. He had to fight the virus too. That would require more energy than what he would usually get by with.

Dan didn't even stir until half an hour later when Phil stopped the car and spoke softly to wake him up.

"Dan. We're here." he said quietly, leaning close to him.

Dan's eyes shifted under his eyelids before he managed to slit them open and look at him. Phil had to try hard not to audibly gasp at the red underneath. Dan slowly lifted his head and swallowed, wincing at the scraping in his dry throat. He weakly gripped the bottle and took a small sip while Phil took their backpacks from the back seat.

"Don't tell them." Dan's hoarse voice ordered.

"What?" Phil  ceased his movements and turned to him, surprised by his demanding tone.

"Don't. Don't tell them I was bi-" he awkwardly cleared his throat instead of finishing his sentence but Phil understood. However, he wasn't any less confused about the reason behind such a request. Chris and Pj were their friends. They could help them. They cared. They could have access to more medication and better treatment for his injury now they were here.

"W-Why? They can help-" Phil voiced his thought but was cut off by Dan's raspy voice.

"Th-They won't let me s-stay and then you... would rather come with me..." he shook his head while he watched as Chris emerged from the door.

"Hey! Look who's here!" his muffled voice exclaimed, approaching the car.

"Tell 'em I'm ill." Dan said hurriedly before he pushed his door open and let a leg hang outside.

Phil jumped out and as quickly as possible made his way to Dan's side to help him out.

"Hello!" he greeted Chris and his cheery voice sounded alien in his ears.

He helped the brunette out of the car and supported him like he had before so he could walk. However, this time, Dan's legs gave underneath him and he fell to the ground. Phil instantly sank down with him giving him a worried look which Dan quickly dismissed with a curt nod and let Phil scoop him up into his arms.

Chris' face fell.

Phil's stomach dropped.

"Wha-What happened?" Chris questioned, pointing at the man in Phil's arms.

"Oh. Uh... He's- He's just ill. He's got the flu or something. He's tired. Been sleeping the whole time in there." Phil casually threw his head to the direction of the car and let out a laugh for good measure. "Just- I need to put him down somewhere- please." his words tripped over each other as he tried to lie, like Dan had instructed, and made his way into the house.

"Oh. Yes. Yes, of course." Chris said, sounding rather convinced, and ran to pass Phil and guide him to the spare room. "Here. Lay him down." he instructed and stepped to the side to give him some space. Phil set Dan down on the single bed and pulled the covers over him.

"Is he okay?" Chris asked him.

"Yeah, yeah." Phil nervously scratched his head. "I'll just give him something for the fever later or something. Will you help me take the stuff out of the car?" he asked Chris but had already walked out of the room before he got an answer.

Chris met Phil outside, his head inside the boot of the car as he took out the water bottles.

"You shouldn't have brought all these. We have plenty of it here after Pj built that water supply system." he giggled "It's not doing much to be honest but who am I to complain?" he joked but Phil said nothing. 

"Are you alright?" Chris questioned with a frown on his face.

"Hm?" Phil turned to him like he had just noticed he was there. "Oh, yeah. Fine."

"Oh." Chris murmured, scanning him over once while still occupied with the bottles. "You look a bit off." he casually noted as he carried two bottles inside the house.

"No. 'm fine. Just a bit tired. With all the moving and stuff, y' know..." he drifted off. He passed Chris and headed back to the bedroom, taking his and Dan's backpacks with him after dropping everything else in the kitchen.

He knelt on the floor beside him and gently pressed his lips to his forehead. He was warm. Warmer that when he had last checked. But that was natural with such a bad injury, wasn't it?

He unzipped the backpack and took out the first aid kit. He took the antibiotics and painkillers out, taking a couple pills of both in his palm. He unscrewed the lid of the bottle of water and set them on the floor next to him.

"Dan?" he slid a hand under his head and lifted it a few centimetres from the pillow. "Danny? You need to take these for me." he whispered and Dan without opening his eyes opened his mouth to let Phil drop the pills in, like he had done last night. He brought the water bottle to his lips and poured some into his mouth, Dan swallowing it along with the pills. He used the back of his hand to wipe a bit that had dribbled down the side of his mouth and then wiped it dry on his shorts.

"Do you want me to bring you anything?" Chris said from the doorway, making Phil jump. He hadn't noticed him standing there. "Sorry, didn't want to scare you." Chris giggled.

"Um... Do you happen to have anything for his temperature?" he asked, jerking his head to Dan's direction.

"Sure." he replied and walked out of the room, coming back a minute later with a pill in his hand. He came closer and leaned over the man on the bed, going to press the pill to Dan's lips.

"No!" Phil shot up to stop him. "I-I'll do it." he said more quietly upon noticing Chris' taken-aback expression. He cleared his throat and took the pill from Chris. He repeated the process of giving it to Dan and helping him swallow it with a bit of water. Setting Dan's head down on the pillow once again he placed the bottle on the bedside table, immediately going to rampage through Dan's backpack to avoid Chris' intense gaze on him.

"What's going on?" Chris asked and Phil only got a glimpse of his furrowed eyebrows and his squinted eyes before he forced his eyes down in the backpack's contents again. "Phil."

"Hey! I saw the SUV outside. When did you arrive?" Pj came into the room, familiar warm smile on his face. Only it didn't last long. It fell as soon as he saw Phil on the floor and Chris leaning above him and he could tell that something wast off. It was only after fully taking in the image before him though, that his eyes wandered over to the man on the bed. He intently scanned his face and then went lower to his duvet-cladded body. His eyes widened and Phil had a million heart attacks in that split second that took Pj to speak.

"What the hell is this?" he asked, his voice steady and firm and _unnervingly_ _calm_.

"Pj?" Chris murmured, surprised by the sudden change in tone.

"No, shut up, Chris." he barked, never once taking his eyes off Phil. "What the hell is this?" he asked quietly again, but this time the rage was clear in his voice.

"Pj," Phil started, looking down and lifting up his hands to prevent the storm of questions that Pj was going to shoot at him. "I'll explain-"

"Why did you bring him here!?" he shouted and this time it made Dan jerk awake, his eyes opening ever so slightly to reveal the red underneath. It was all it took for Chris to realise what was going on too, his eyes widening and turning to Phil in disbelief. And _fear_.

"Please." Phil said quietly in an attempt to make Pj calm down. He stood up and glanced down at his friend on the bed, whose eyes were shut again but, he knew, wasn't asleep. "Not here." he pleaded, but his voice was steady and commanding as he paced out of the room.

He walked as far away from the bedroom at the back of the house as possible. He hand't been here again and he couldn't navigate around the house so he just settled for outside. Pj and Chris followed him, the former pushing the door so hard that it crashed against the outside wall.

"Please, let me explain." Phil asked him, with his hands up again to stop the insults and hatred Pj had coming for him.

"No, you don't get to fucking explain. You'll take him the fuck out of my house!" Pj shouted and at this Phil couldn't help but shout back himself.

"And take him where!?"

"Out. Of. My. _Fucking_ house." he said through clenched teeth.

"Peej. Dan's a friend. We can't-" Chris tried to reason but Pj interrupted him.

"No! He's a fucking _walker!_ " he spat and Phil felt like he had just been slapped in the face.

"He is not!" he screamed, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Yeah, not yet. That's not a good enough excuse for me!"

"He's not dangerous." Phil almost whispered, stifling an upcoming sob.

"He's bitten and he'll turn and I won't let this parasite in my home!" Pj screamed.

"Peej! Stop it, alright?" Chris told him, arms frustratedly extended at his sides. "It's not their fault."

"I don't give a flying shit." he growled taking a threatening step towards Phil, Chris' arms shooting to his chest to hold him back. 

"Pj."

"Fine." he spat and jerked Chris' hands off him. "He's staying. But if he turns I'll shoot him between the eyes myself without a second thought." he said with finality and stomped back inside, letting the door shut behind him with a loud bang that made Phil flinch.

"Hey." Chris said quietly. "It's alright, come on. I'll make you a cuppa." he told him, leading him inside with an arm around his shoulders. Phil complied.

Chris sat him down on the dining table and he disappeared into the kitchen to make the tea. Five minutes later he came back with three steaming cups instead of the two Phil had expected but didn't question it. He set them around the table, one in front of Phil, as he sat down.

"He doesn't mean it, you know. Any of that." Chris' fingers hugged the warm porcelain. "He's just scared."

Phil looked up at him to be met with sympathy and concern in his eyes. He nodded, offering him a tight-lipped smile.

"I know." he murmured. Looking satisfied, Chris got up.

"I'll be back in a minute." he informed him and left him alone.

He supposed he had gone to talk to Pj but, no matter what Chris said, Phil doubted that he would manage to persuade him to allow them to stay there until Dan had recovered. Not when Dan was in such condition.

He got up and warily padded to the room at the end of the hall.

Dan was sleeping soundly, not even having shifted an inch since he left him. He hadn't eaten in a day and Phil supposed he should but he didn't have it in him to wake him up when he so clearly needed the rest.

He came closer and tugged the duvet to his waist. He carefully lifted his t-shirt enough to check the bandage. It wasn't stained but he knew he should probably change it.

He gently shook Dan awake. Dan shifted with a groan as he tried to open his eyes and sit up.

"You don't have to move." Phil stopped him. "I just want to change your bandage." he informed Dan, keeping his voice quiet so as not to upset him after he'd just woken up. Dan hummed his agreement and let his body fall limp on the mattress.

Phil pulled his stained t-shirt up to his chest and then moved his arms, one after the other, through the sleeve holes and pulled it off, throwing it on the floor next to him. He reached underneath his body to remove the clip and then tugged gently at the end of the bandage, starting to unroll it. He threw that to the floor as well.

He checked the bite and the mere sight of it almost made him gag. It had swelled even more, the redness had moved far up until under his left pectoral and down to his hipbone. In the centre of its ragged edges, among the clotted dark red were little beads of yellow and that left no doubt for Phil as of whether the wound was infected or not. He'd had to increase the dose of the antibiotics, he noted.

His stomach churned and he had to take a couple deep breaths to calm down because the last thing he wanted right now was to vomit. He stood up and exited the room, palm firmly pressed against his mouth and head hang low with his eyes screwed shut to stop the feeling of nausea disturbing his insides. He simply breathed for some long seconds and then lifted his head, opening his eyes and looking around. He briefly wondered where Chris might be before him and Pj emerged from the room to his left.

"Um, Chris." he stopped him as Pj all but stomped away. Phil tried to ignore the look he gave him.

"Do you need anything?" Chris offered.

"Do you happen to have any ointment cream?"

"Ah, yeah. Sure. I mean, I think we have some." he babbled as he walked to the bathroom with Phil close behind him. He opened the cupboard above the sink and picked up a couple tubes, checking the labels. "Um...here. Is this okay?" he asked, handing Phil the cream.

"Yeah. It'll do." Phil gave him a grateful smile and made his way back to the bedroom.

He sat at the end of the bed and pulled a small cotton ball from the first aid kit, opening the cream and squeezing a bit on it. He clicked the cup close and dabbed the cream on the bite, catching how Dan's face scrunched up in discomfort.

"Sorry." he whispered and threw the cotton ball on top of the dirty bandage. He pulled a clean one from the kit and unrolled the end.

"Can I see it?" Chris said from the doorway making Phil jump again. And it would have been funny but the air in the room was so thick with tension that didn't allow even the briefest smile.

"Yes." Phil nodded, bowing his head to occupy himself with the bandage.

Chris' breath hitched as he walked closer and inspected the bite. Phil took that as his cue to finish pampering Dan up. 

Chris cleared his throat, obviously uncomfortable.

"Do you want me to do anything...?" he asked, shifting his weight from foot to foot unsure of what he should do. Phil nodded.

"Can you hold him upright for a moment?"

Chris whispered a quick 'yes' and moved closer. He slipped his hands under Dan's arms and pushed him up.

"Sorry, mate." Chris whispered as Dan whined. He moved Dan's arms to put them around his neck and Dan cooperated, letting them rest there as his head leaned against Chris' shoulder.

Phil had already set to work, unrolling the roll of white fabric and wrapping it around Dan's torso. He struggled not to let it get to him that this time Dan didn't once wince at the pressure every time he went over his side. When he securely clipped the bandage in place he grabbed a clean t-shirt from Dan's backpack and Chris helped him put it on him.

Chris let Dan lay down and awkwardly stood there while Phil pulled a clean pair of pants and sweatpants for Dan.

"Thank you. I'll join you in a minute." Chris got the message and nodded, walking out, all the while avoiding eye contact with Phil and Phil was grateful for it.

He pulled the duvet further down, to Dan's feet. He hadn't removed his socks before when he lay him down so he did now. His feet - and his hands, Phil noted later - were freezing unlike the rest of his body so he pulled on a pair of clean socks, each from a different pair like Dan used to do for the last three or four years. Proof that Phil had been rubbing off on him, Phil thought with a smile.

Next he moved on to his shorts. Like his t-shirt they too were stained with dried blood, from when they were fighting off the walkers, and as most things these last couple days, Phil decided to ignore the memories of it as well. He removed them along with his pants, thinking that Dan would appreciate the clean clothes. Again he would appreciate a hot bath or at least a shower as well but he couldn't have one now so he'd have to settle with this.

In his backpack, along with the wearable ones, he had thrown in one or two old ripped t-shirts that he hadn't worn in a while. He searched for them and when he found one he grabbed the bottle of water and poured some on it. He used it to wipe the dried blood and the sweat off Dan's face, brushing his curly fringe off his forehead. He continued rubbing the cloth down his arms and his chest. Somehow blood had made its way on his skin there, too. He went on rubbing down his stomach and then his legs.

Phil had seen Dan naked many times before. And if the times he'd seen him naked before the apocalypse were considered many for the kind of relationship they shared then the years they spent surviving together after would be ten times more gossip-worthy than before. He was used to seeing him naked by now; it didn't shock him and the fascination of the first few times was now toned down and shoved to the back of his mind. However, the little voice in his head, that nagged him more often than not these days, told him that maybe this would be the very last time that he'd get to see him like this and the thought alone was sending a pang of agony straight to his heart and was squeezing his lungs tightly making it hard for him to breathe. So he ignored that too, as most things these last couple days.

He put on his clean underwear and then his sweatpants. Pulling the duvet over him again, he grabbed the dirty clothes and carried them to the bathroom, throwing them in the basket he spotted in there before he made his way to the dining room.

He stopped in the doorway when he saw Pj and Chris talking quietly to each other.

"Oh, sorry." he apologized, going to leave.

"No, no, it's fine. Come in." Chris gestured for him to sit down.

Phil scanned both their faces for some short moments before letting his head hang low again and walking into the room.

He was feeling nauseous again. But this was a different kind of nausea. 

The two people who were supposed to help him the most were now the ones that would question him and decide whether him and his friend were worthy of staying or would be left out to die. They kind of felt like strangers to him at this moment, Phil realised, and he felt betrayal join the mix of worry and sadness.

No matter what, though, he couldn't demand anything from them, he was aware of that. Despite his being stubborn he understood how the whole situation could affect them and how it seemed like too much risk to take. They had all heard stories about entire families being, quite literally, ripped to pieces because they had offered shelter to a bitten one. And they had all experienced the consequences of such decisions. But this wouldn't happen with Dan, Phil was sure of it. He was taking care of him as best as he could, like they hadn't done with any of their unfortunate friends in the past and he was certain that the antibiotics would _eventually_ _work_.

Their eyes were on him as he sat down at the table opposite Pj. He supposed he had to say something after his row with him outside but his mind was blank. Instead, he swallowed and took a deep breath in, mentally preparing for the questions that were to follow.

Chris poked Pj with his elbow and discreetly threw his head to Phil's direction, urging him to say something. Pj shifted uncomfortably in his seat and cleared his throat.

"When?" he simply asked, his voice carefully steady and businesslike.

Phil dared a look up at him but his eyes once again fell to the wooden surface when they made eye contact.

"Last night." he replied in the same seemingly unphased manner.

"How?" Pj pushed. Phil shrugged.

"He tried to fight them off." He didn't think they would care to know the details - this was the main story anyway. But Pj frustratedly rolled his eyes at him.

"No shit." he mocked. "I want the entire story." he demanded, leaning over the table to draw Phil's attention.

Phil sighed, partly irritated, partly feeling unable to put his scattered thoughts into words. He didn't want to think about it, let alone narrate it to anyone. All he wanted was to wake up in his bed, in his flat that he shared with his friend who would be just next room, still sleeping. However, he had lived in this mess for way too long to have such illusions and high hopes. So he gave up. He shifted and propped his elbows on the table before he started speaking.

"We had to head back to the flat because it was getting dark. But Dan wanted to pick up some stuff from a drug store on Oxford Street first. There was one in there and Dan fell and it was coming for him so we got out of there but Dan went back in." he swallowed. "I was about to go in but then he came out with the medicine and we left. We started walking back to our flat- There was a horde there. We would go around them. But then there was another. And- We started running. We split up at some point but I found him again and we-we found that open window but it was high up and they were coming an-and-" The words were coming out of his mouth at high speed now and his voice broke.

"Phil-" Chris tried to reach him and comfort him but Phil was talking again.

"He tried to fight them off but one bit him and I didn't realise until later when we were up on the roof." he coughed to conceal the upcoming tears in his voice and continued talking, his voice dropping in volume now. "He wouldn't tell me what was wrong but he was crying. And when he let me see there was this h-huge bite and I- I don't know how I managed not to panic. I cleaned 'im up. Patched 'im up and gave him some painkillers and some antibiotics-"

"Antibiotics?" Pj stopped him.

"Yes." Phil nodded, finding the courage to look up at Pj.

"You gave him antibiotics?" he asked again. "Last night?"

"Yes." Phil repeated, confused. "And today as well. I don't-" Pj's fist on the top of the table interrupted Phil, his back thrown to the back of his chair and his hands pressed against his chest.

"Are you fucking serious!?" he shouted.

"I-I don't- I-" Phil gapped at Pj while he paced around the room agitatedly.

"You wasted our medicine on a dead man!?" Pj screamed right into his face.

"Pj, stop." Chris got up and pulled Pj away from Phil.

"He's not a dead man." Phil whispered, tears appearing in his eyes.

"Yes, he is and you damn well know it!"

"Please, don't shout-" Phil begged. Dan could probably hear them by now.

"I will do what the _fuck_ I want. This is so _fucking stupid_!"

"Peej-" Chris tried again.

"He's bitten! He's a walker! And you waste our medicine on him!"

"It's helping him-" Phil tried to reason.

"No, it isn't."

"He has a chance with those!"

"Listen to me!" Pj screamed coming to stand right in front of Phil again, pulling him closer by a handful of his t-shirt. "This isn't helping him! Nothing can help _this_. He's turning and the antibiotics are not going to stop that!" he said through clenched teeth, his face inches away from Phil's, making him wince at the harsh words. "When one of us gets sick we're gonna die without the fucking antibiotics, do you understand?"

" _I,_ "Phil yanked Pj arm off him, "am wasting the pills Dan got for us. I'm wasting _my_ part of it. If anyone is to die from the common flu it will be me. I'm not touching your share." Phil announced and left the room quickly pacing to his friend's bedroom and shutting the door.

"What'd you get out of this now?" Chris questioned, hands propped on his hips. Pj simply shook his head, averting his eyes from Chris'.

"You know he's wrong. You knew. Why'd you let him do this?" he said quietly, arms crossed over his chest, foot angrily tapping on the floor.

"Because," Chris started, "people sometimes need their illusions to keep going." he continued, looking at Pj intently.

"He's gonna be twice as hurt when he's gone." he retorted, eyes blankly focused on a spot on the wall.

"He knows what he's doing. He already knows what's gonna happen. Deep inside."

"Yeah, right." Pj laughed a humourless laugh and he too paced out of the room.

"Go apologise!" Chris called after him, knowing that even if that happened it would take a while and much more convincing than just this.

 

In Dan's bedroom Phil had pulled a chair near the bed and sat there silently while Dan slept, willing his tears to stay at the backs of his eyes.

He watched as Dan's chest rose and fell with every heavy breath he took, as his eyeballs occasionally moved under his eyelids and prayed that he'd get to see this the next day and next week and next month and until they died of old age - or at least died together in the fight.

Dan would make it, he knew. Deep down he knew. He knew his friend. He was strong. He was stubborn. He'd get through this. They would both, together, get through this. And then they could go back to their flat to bring back the last of their belongings. And Dan would play his beloved piano one last time and Phil would get to hear it and for a moment everything would feel like the good old days. And then after that they would live happily the rest of their lives here, with Chris and Pj.

Phil didn't move from his friend's side for the next few hours. His mind was racing towards every possible direction, exploring new worlds, new potentials, hope, making up different scenarios of how this would end. If he let himself think about it, most scenarios were dark ones. He was content though, sitting there, just watching Dan, because he looked so peaceful and that brightened up his thoughts a bit. Daydreaming filled him with warmth and hints of happiness and he couldn't wait to taste that in real time with the man lying on the bed in front of him, lively and laughing as always.

"Shi-" Phil muttered when a soft knock on the door startled him.

"Can I come in?" Chris poked his head through the crack.

"Yeah, of course." Phil replied, turning his gaze back to his friend.

"He hasn't woken up yet?" Chris tried to make small talk, standing near the end of the bed. His hands were shoved at the back pockets of his jeans and he was awkwardly bouncing back and forth on his heels.

Phil just shook his head.

"Listen. I'm sorry about before. On his behalf." he started. "He will apologise soon, he just need his ti-"

"It's fine." Phil replied and managed a small however tight smile.

"Right." Chris cleared his throat. "Do you need any help?"

"No, we're fine." Phil said quickly, letting his irritation slip into his voice before he could restrain himself. "Thank you, Chris." he said genuinely a second later, turning to look at him so he could see the sincerity in his eyes.

"Alright." he murmured, returning the smile. "Don't hesitate to tell me if you do though. I... I'll leave you to it." he said before exiting, pulling the door shut behind him.

Phil didn't move for a moment, sitting still, frozen in his seat staring at the closed door with a frown upon his face, trying to figure out why he felt bitter towards Chris as well. All he did was help, try to knock some sense into Pj and that was a hard task in and on itself. He should at least be able to appreciate that.

"Phil?" a hoarse voice pulled Phil out of his thoughts and his head whipped back to his friend.

"Dan." he let his name fill him with warmth, clasping his left hand between his own. "How are you feeling?"

Dan swallowed wincing a bit afterwards and just nodded.

"I. I ne- need... Need t- go." he struggled. "Help..." he slurred, trying miserably to pull himself up.

"Yeah, sure." Phil bolted up and helped Dan up in a sitting position with his arms around his chest. "Come on."

Dan whined when Phil went to let go off him, his body losing balance and falling toward the mattress again before Phil managed to catch him.

"Do you think you can walk?"

"I-I'm..." he started to say but opted for shaking his head instead.

"Alright." Phil said patiently. He wrapped his arms around his torso again and pushed him to the edge of the bed. He made him lean forward, supporting him with one hand on his chest while the other went to grab the bucket in the corner.

"No." Dan coughed, shaking his head frantically. "N-Not...here." he mumbled, his bloodshot heavy eyes boring into Phil's.

"Dan." Phil went to protest but Dan wouldn't stop starring at him so he couldn't help but comply, fully understanding what he wanted merely by looking at him. "Alright." he nodded. "Okay. Here." he murmured, slipping one arm under his knees and wrapping the other firmly around his back. "I'll carry you." he said as if in warning before he lifted Dan off the mattress.

Dan let his right arm hang limply but pressed his forehead against Phil's shoulder as he was carried outside. Phil stopped at the side of the house, gently setting Dan's weak legs on the ground near the wall so he could support himself.

"What do you need me to do?" Phil asked unsure of how he could help him more, or whether Dan wanted any help at all.

Dan shook his head and leaned most of his weight against Phil. He let his head drop to the right on Phil's shoulder as his free hand went to pull his shorts and pants a bit lower. Phil waited for Dan to finish, supporting him as best as he could before helping him pull his pants up. Dan weakly lifted his hand to his chest in a grateful gesture and Phil smiled down at him. He picked him up again and carried him back to the room, gently lowering him down on the bed.

"Do you want to eat anything?" he asked as he pulled the covers up to Dan's chest. Dan shook his head, letting his eyes close. "Dan, you haven't eaten since yesterday morning. You need to eat something."

Dan just looked at him, trying for a funny eye-roll but ending up letting his lids just shut for a second.

"Come on. Just one bite, for me?" Dan shut his eyes in surrender and nodded quickly.

"Okay." he whispered and Phil was out of the room and in the kitchen to grab a packet of biscuits, opening it on his way back.

Leaving the packet on the bedside table, he slipped an arm under Dan's shoulders to lift him up in a sitting position. When he had him leaning against the back of the bed he took a biscuit out for him. Dan took it between his fingers and lifted it to his mouth, taking a small bite and chewing slowly.

"Good?" Phil smiled fondly as Dan tipped his head back and rested it against the wall, closing his eyes as he chewed.

"Mmm." Dan groaned taking another bite.

Phil rested his elbows on his knees and watched Dan as he devoured his biscuit, feeling hope blooming in his chest and making his heart swell. His stomach growled and he shifted to cover the sound. He could do with some food himself if he was honest but he wouldn't leave Dan's side to do that, nor was he about to steal a biscuit from the packet. Dan needed those more than him.

Dan wiped his fingers on his shirt to get rid of the crumbs and turned his head to the side to look at Phil. He gave him a weak smile which Phil returned by instinct.

"Feeling any better?" he asked hopefully, leaning closer to him.

Dan nodded.

"Th- Thank y-you." he mumbled and Phil's smile widened.

"Anytime, Dan."

Phil sat up a bit and brought his fingertips to Dan's forehead, feeling for his temperature. He withdrew as soon as he made contact. It felt like his skin was set on fire. He had taken care of Dan before when he was ill with terrible fever but he had never been quite this warm before. Hope was swept by the sudden wave of panic that rushed through him. He briefly wondered how on earth Dan could still be conscious before he managed to collect himself and force his brain to think rationally.

He turned around to grab Dan's backpack. They always stored some antipyretic tablets in the pharmacy box.

Phil shakily pulled it out and gave two tablets to Dan along with a biscuit, from which he could only stomach a couple bites, to help him swallow them.

"You should have told me you had a temperature earlier." Phil muttered, running his fingers through his fringe. Dan shook his head and opened his eyes staring at his hands in his lap.

"It's n-" he tried to say but a sudden wave of nausea that knocked the air out of him. He doubled over, clutching at the sheets as emptied the contents of his stomach on the floor next to him.

"Shit." Phil cursed under his breath, standing up and hurrying closer to Dan. Dan tried to reassure him with a vague flick of his wrist but it looked more like flailing and a second later he was vomiting again.

Phil sat down on the bed next to him, rubbing soothing circles on his back while Dan was dry-heaving with his arms folded under him and his head hanging from the edge of the bed.

When he had calmed down a bit Phil grabbed a flannel from the drawer and wiped Dan's mouth, then pulled him back up to lie on the bed. He brushed his fringe away from his face that was now glistening with a thin layer of sweat. Dan looked up at him. His eyes were hazy and brimming with tears and Phil doubted he could really see him. 

"Are you alright?" he asked quietly but Dan didn't respond and just continued staring up at him, his Adam's apple bobbing as he swallowed with difficulty. "Lie on your side." he said in the same soft tone. Dan, while trying, barely moved so Phil pushed him over, having him lying on his side facing across the room in case he needed to vomit again, and pulled the duvet to his shoulders.

Phil sighed a shaky breath and buried his fingers in his hair, nervously tugging because _fucking hell_. _Why?_ Why _now?_ He had just told him he was feeling better, why-

He braved a glance at his friend for a brief moment but it was enough to notice his too pale face, the too dark circles under his eyes and the small tremor that quaked his body every couple seconds.

He stood up on wobbly legs. He needed something to clean up the mess. Pj wouldn't like that. He tried to collect himself, fixing his hair and smoothing out his t-shirt, still having the need to look strong and collected. Of course he did. He _had to be_. Now was not the time to give up his hope.

With two large strides he reached the door and pulled it open to be met with Chris.

"Oh!" Chris exclaimed in surprise. "Sorry. I was just coming in to see if you needed anything..." his voice trailed off as he took in Phil's dishevelled appearance.

"I-I need something to...to clean this up..." he mumbled, looking everywhere apart from Chris as he gestured with his thumb over his shoulder.

Chris leaned around Phil to see and his expression shifted with realisation, his eyes filling with grief for just a brief moment before he could disguise it. Phil didn't notice.

"Yeah. Yes. I'll bring you something." he murmured, averting his eyes from Phil as he moved away to bring some flannels and a bucket of water.

He returned not a minute later and the both of them set to work in silence.

"It was so sudden-" Phil suddenly spoke and his voice seemed to echo in the small dark room, abnormally loud. "He had just eaten a biscuit, had just told me he was feeling better-" he stopped because he felt his voice about to break, and bowed his head to hide his face.

"Phil," Chris murmured, scared because he hadn't seen Phil showing any emotion up until this moment. "you can sit down a bit if you want, I'll do this."

"I'm so fucking _mad_." Phil spat. "He wasn't supposed to be getting _worse_." His voice broke before he could finish and he swallowed hard.

Chris once again was at a loss for words. What was he supposed to say now anyway? Should he lie? Should he tell the truth and _crash_ him? No. No, absolutely not. He didn't want to do either of the two, but even if he did he realised he physically could not utter a single word at this moment. So he simply moved closer and rubbed Phil's arm in what he hoped was a soothing way. Phil did not respond save for a curt nod.

"Okay." Chris cleared his throat and stood up. He took the dirty flannel from Phil's hands and threw it in the bucket along with his as Phil stood up too. "Done here. Tell me if you need anything else, okay?" he offered.

"Thank you, Chris." Phil stopped him as he was about to walk away with his arms thrown around him, throwing him off for a second before his eyes softened and a bitter smile reached his lips.

"Anytime, mate." he replied, patting his back with his free hand and shortly after untangling himself from Phil to leave him alone.

 

It was hardly an hour later when there was another knock on the door. Phil supposed it was Chris wanting to check on him. He briefly wondered why he would bother to knock. It wasn't like this would be the first time he just let himself in. 

Phil didn't respond and waited for him to come in like he always did but when a minute later the door still hadn't opened he figured that Chris wouldn't really have wanted anything of importance if he had left. To his surprise though, there was another knock, quieter and hesitant, and then the door opened just a crack and Pj leaned in the room to ask:

"Can I come in?"

His face must have been hilarious, Phil thought, because he could feel his eyes widening in astonishment and his mouth falling agape before he could control it. He snapped it back shut and nodded, quickly turning to look ahead.

Pj walked in warily, closing the door without making almost any sound and slowly made his way to the foot of Dan's bed, standing there with his hands shoved in his back pockets and his eyes drifting back and forth in the room, combing his head for something to say.

Chris had been nagging him ever since he snapped at Phil to go and apologise. Pj had refused stubbornly to do so up until Chris told him how worse Dan had gotten only in a matter of a few hours. He had to admit he had been a complete twat before. He had lost his temper because, let's face it, what Phil was doing was absolutely ridiculous and reckless. It wouldn't help, the man sure knew, but his stubbornness made him want to knock some sense into him.

He knew that Phil was doing all of this only out of desperation to save Dan. He supposed it was a natural reaction, denial, to such a tragic event. Pj could almost guess how Phil would be feeling at this moment so the least he could do was apologise and support Phil as best as he could.

"I'm sorry." he sighed, breaking the agonising silence in the room. Phil turned his head to look up at him in disbelief. "About before." Pj explained. "I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. I..." he hesitated, pursing his lips. "I understand."

Disbelief didn't leave Phil's face but Pj noticed how the frown on his features softened as he nodded.

"It's okay, Peej." he weakly smiled up at him. "Thank you."

Out of lack of any proper response, Pj gave him a nod and Phil was quickly back to staring at Dan.

Pj followed his gaze, properly seeing Dan for the first time since they had arrived that morning. 

He didn't dare let his eyes wonder for too long when he had walked into the room to the sight of him lying there with the same desaturated colour and the same slack expression like the one he'd seen on so many familiar faces before that he deliberately chose not to remember. He felt his heart clench. Comparing those old images with the man in front of him he could now see what Chris was talking about. However, he chose not to mention it and decided to say something that Chris would have encouraged him to.

"I understand how you feel. This is really unfortunate." he said and cringed a bit. That was not exactly what he had in mind.

"I really don't know how I managed to patch him up." Phil didn't seem to notice. "I've done it before a million times but this time-" he cleared his throat before continuing. "It was so much worse than ever before. But he is so strong." he smiled fondly at the man on the bed. "He has a way of stoicly suffering through everything and never complaining."

"He doesn't want to upset you." Phil huffed out a laugh.

"I know how bad it is, he doesn't need to tell me, but he never does anyway. And he never loses his humour, god bless." Pj smiled.

"Of course." he murmured, recalling all the times Dan had managed to cheer him up in the past and the ones when his joking had made him want to punch him square in the face. His smile fell. He wouldn't feel that ever again.

"Chris told you, I assume?" Phil snapped him out of his thoughts.

"Yes, he did."

"I don't understand this you know." he said with a frown.

"What?"

"He wasn't supposed to be getting worse."

Pj bit his tongue because Phil was bringing up the topic about the medicine again. Their valuable supplies that he was using on Dan who, even though he was one of his best friends, was still dead. Would be soon anyway. Pj internally prayed for it not too take too long because it wasn't pretty when it did.

"He's not dangerous, Pj, you know that." Phil murmured with a hint of hurt in his voice. "He's not going to hurt us."

"Dan won't." Pj agreed. "But he won't be Dan after. When he's turned he will." Phil laughed a menacing laugh.

"He's not _turning_."

"You know this is coming." Pj said carefully, trying not to upset him, but Phil was laughing again and shaking his head and Pj tried to ignore that because Phil needed to come back down to earth. "We have to take him out of here by morning-"

"If he leaves, I'm leaving too." Phil said with finality.

"Phil, please-"

"He's. Not. Dying."

"Phil, you need to stop this." Pj shook his head in annoyance.

"How do you actually know that the drugs aren't working, oh, almighty Know-it-all?"

"We can't beat this thing!"

"Have you ever actually tried!?" Phil spat. Pj's jaw dropped. He closed his eyes and took a breath in, speaking quietly.

"Listen. I don't give a damn what you think but he is out of this bloody house by sunrise or I swear to God."

"You swear to God what? What, Pj? You're gonna actually shoot someone this time?" Pj clenched his teeth while his hands balled into tight fists, his knuckles turning white.

"I'm not reliving the whole thing with Jack." he hissed.

"Yeah, because this time someone had the guts to care for him!" Phil stood up and shouted as he pointed at Dan.

"I can imagine how nice it must be living in your own world, Phil, but someone actually needs to be the adult and actually CARE FOR THE ONES NOT DYING!" Pj shouted angrily.

"At least I'm not cold-hearted!"

"He's dying. Whether you're ready to accept it or not. And I say you do so soon because you only have some hours left." and with that Pj was out the room, door slamming shut behind him.

Phil clenched his teeth to contain the tears and turned to sit back down on his battered chair - he wasn't sure his shaky legs would hold him up for much longer. He run a hand through his hair and sighed, lifting his face to see Dan looking at him, his eyes barely open and still bloodshot.

"Dan. Oh my god, I'm so sorry about this. I didn't want to wake you." he hurried to apologize, fumbling with the duvet to lift it further up his body.

Dan shook his head, a small, weak movement that Phil barely caught.

"Do you need anything?"

Another shake.

"Alright." Phil smiled at him, smoothing the duvet over his body, brushing his fringe away from his face with his fingertips and cupping. "Go back to sleep."

Phil went to stand up, find something to keep himself occupied with. His mind needed it more than anything.

"'S right..." Dan slurred stopping Phil and forcing him to plop down again.

"What?" he asked, dumbfounded. "No. No he's not. He isn't. Listen to me, Dan." he said firmly, moving closer. "You are going to be fine." But Dan was shaking his head again.

"N-No."

"The antibiotics will work. They will. It may seem like they don't right now but they will. I have a feeling-"

"Ph-Phil!" Dan interrupted him, coughing violently for a moment before he could speak again. "I- 'm dyin-g." he groaned and the certainty in his tone sent a shiver down Phil's spine.

"No. What are you talking about!?"

"I am." Phil shook his head. "'S alright. G-Going to be a..lright. Listen t- me." He took a breath in. "In the... morning you'll take me- out. A...way from-m h-here. And you'll go on... with Ch-Chris and Pee..j."

"No." Phil whispered, eyes filling with tears.

"When I'm... gone...shoot me."

"No. Dan. P-Please. Stop. Please."

"Don' let m' turn, p-please. Don' wan' be... like 'em."

"No. No." Phil whined, burying his face in his hands. "Jesus."

"Please." Dan begged and Phil lowered his hands to look at him. He could see the fear clearly in Dan's eyes and he couldn't protest anymore.

He nodded.

Dan shook his head.

"Pr...omise me."

"Okay." Phil whispered, his head bowed in resignation, and Dan, satisfied, gave him a small nod, barely perceptible, letting his eyes lull shut.

Phil wanted to vomit. How could Dan ask something like this of him? How did he expect for Phil to do this light-heartedly? Did he think Phil could do it?

As much as he knew, deep inside, that Pj was right and Dan was right he still didn't allow himself to believe it. He didn't want to believe it. He couldn't.

Phil never liked the idea of knowing the future, of knowing what's going to happen to you and your loved ones, and right now he absolutely despised it. He'd always thought 'what would the purpose of living be if you could always predict tomorrow?' but now he realised it wasn't about predicting. It was all about the events about to happen themselves. What would the purpose of living be after sunrise? Phil knew he would get to combing his mind for anything to brighten his thoughts, for Dan, but he was certain it would be in vain this time.

His eyes had been glued to the same spot on the blanket for quite a while now but Phil didn't care one bit about it. He couldn't help it really. It seemed like his brain had failed to function after the overload of information. And now it was fighting against him, battling to get the message through that his best friend was-

"Phil?" Dan rasped quietly, lightly touching Phil's hand with the tips of his fingers to get his attention. Phil's eyes focused on him instinctively. 

Dan seemed to be struggling with words inside his head for a moment, unable to place them in a sentence. Any other time Phil would have told him to stop, he didn't have to tire himself like this, but something in the lines of concentration between his brows told him not to. 

"I-I want t- You. I want y-you to know... Th-these years I...with-th you-ou...uh...it- I-" Frustrated, he closed his eyes for a moment to stop his tongue rolling uncomfortably around the words and concentrate. He gathered his thoughts again and repeated what he wanted to say a few times to make sure that he'd get it right this time while Phil waited patiently before he outed them. "This," he weakly gestured with his hand between their bodies, "was the most fun I've ever h-had." he said, his voice low, quiet but to Phil's ear it seemed so loud and heavy with the weight his words carried. 

Phil gasped and smiled pathetically, closing his eyes and turning his head away from him, catching his trembling lip between his teeth.

He had to remind himself to breathe because these few words. These few words that he had heard before time and again in his own childhood room and in the flat he shared with his friend and through his headphones while mindlessly scrolling through Tumblr and stumbling upon an old video had knocked the air out of his lungs. They held so much meaning and so many memories. So many memories in just nine simple every day words that they'd both used so many times in their short lives but would never mean anything to any other person.

He'd promised he would do his best not to cry in front of his best friend, because he had to be the strong one for once - this once, for his best friend - but now he was doing so poorly he hated himself with all his might as tears started flowing freely from his eyes. Disgusting sobs threatened to escape his lips so he bit down on them hard to keep them glued together, never to be separated in fear of letting out a sound that could make this harder for Dan. Luckily, the only noise coming from him was his hitched breaths, a quiet hiccup and the sound of his aching heart beating miserably in his ears. He turned to Dan to distract his mind as Dan's breathing became a tiny bit slower and he soon drifted to sleep.

His crying died down after a while, being replaced by numbness, starting from his chest and spreading throughout his entire body.

Not once did he move from his seat, as he watched Dan's chest rise and fall with every breath he took and found that he was in fact fascinated at how much _alive_ Dan was right now. Because in spite of fighting a fight he was bound to lose he was fighting all the same and his body was still working to keep him alive. And what wouldn't Phil give to see that tomorrow and the day after that and after half a century in their eighties.

There was a soft knock on the door but it seemed to Phil like this one was more bleak than the ones before, more bleak than any sound should ever be.

He didn't respond and some seconds later Pj let himself in, hesitantly walking to the foot of the bed and standing there, just like before. Phil spoke first this time.

"You're right." he said bitterly and Pj thought he'd misheard. But he hadn't. A look at Phil's face was all he needed to see to know.

Pj had caught himself wondering how Phil would take it when he finally let himself accept the situation but now he wished he had never got to know. The expression Phil was wearing now, that was not limited to his facial features but marred his entire body, could only be the aftermath of facing the truth for what this was, of realisation of what was taking place right now, right in front of his eyes. A man like Phil shouldn't be allowed to wear such an expression.

"I'm-"

"We're taking him out to the fields." he said, voice businesslike and eyes never leaving Dan.

"When?"

"Just give me a moment."

Pj left the room, quietly closing the door behind him. Phil slowly rose from his chair, moving to sit at the edge of the bed. As if in autopilot he moved his hand to brush Dan's hair away from his forehead and let his fingertips trace his face.

Dan was covered in a thin layer of sweat that never seemed to go away, his skin was scorching hot and paler than Phil had ever seen it, dark circles under his eyes, his body was quaking with shivers. Phil wished he would just open his eyes and smile at him, just for a moment, so he could remember that instead.

Squeezing his best friend's hand once, he got up and opened the door finding Chris and Pj waiting right outside, arms crossed over their chests and heads hang low.

"We're leaving him there" Phil said, "but we're not shooting him." he continued his eyes boring into Pj's with meaning. Pj gave him a nod, avoiding his eyes.

Phil moved back inside and both men followed him standing above him and keeping their distance as Phil sat on the bed again.

None of them said a word but there was a silent agreement between them that this was the only 'goodbye' they'd get to share with Dan.

"Let's go." said Phil determinedly, standing up.

Chris and Pj moved away a bit, giving Phil space to move as he slid one arm under Dan's torso and the other under his knees, lifting him up and walking out of the room with Chris at his side.

Pj walked ahead of them, starting up the van.

Chris sat in the front seat, sharing sad looks with each other while Phil sat in the back, Dan limply sitting on his lap, Phil holding him up as Pj swerved through the fields. 

Phil was looking outside in wonder the entire time. There was a light glow in the east, illuminating the dark sky. The sun was rising. Amazing how accurate a person could be about time even with no means of keeping track of it. The sun would rise from behind the hills in less than an hour. 

_Sunrise_.

 

The car came to a halt as Pj deemed the location to be at a safe distance from the cottage.

Chris got out first, hurrying to open the back door for Phil to get out.

With Dan in his arms, he made his way to the only tree on the hill. 

Crouching, he carefully set Dan down, positioning his body so he was leaning against the trunk, himself kneeling in front of him.

About two hundred meters away, Pj walked around the van with a shotgun firmly held in one hand, eyes trained at the bottom of the tree when the two men were.

"Wha-" Chris did a double-take, confused for a short moment before his eyes took in the gun in Pj's hands. "What are you doing?" he asked, going to grab the shotgun out of Pj's hands.

Pj jerked it out of his grip, his fist tightening around it and one finger already positioned at the trigger.

"Pj!" Chris said firmly. "He said he doesn't want this. What d'you think you're doing!?"

"Making sure Phil doesn't die too."

 

Dan's eyes fluttered open, only for a second, before sliding close again.

"Dan." Phil whispered, brushing the brunet's hair away from his face. Dan tried to open them again but screwed them shut at the sharp pain in his skull from the intrusion of light.

Phil's hand gripped his, squeezing a bit, and this time Dan willed his eyes to open and stay open against the tears forming in them as he looked up at Phil. Phil smiled down at him, bringing a matching smile to Dan's lips as they held each others gaze. Phil's smile faltered as he bit down hard on his trembling lip determined to fight against the tears that had started to form. To his surprise it was Dan's that spilled first, sliding down his pale cheeks and Phil was physically unable to keep up the act, his own tears falling and leaving damp trails on his skin.

His squeezed his fingers tighter around Dan's cold hand watching helplessly as his eyes dipped close, more tears falling, and silent sobs left his lips. Phil moved closer, leaning against the tree too and wrapping his arms tightly around his friend's fragile form, cuddling him close to his chest.

_"How much does it hurt?"_

Dan fuzzily recalled the question Phil had asked - when was it? Hours, days, weeks ago? Through his fleeting thoughts he remembered his answer then - a six, that's how much pain he deemed he was in. And even though the pain deserved his ten he didn't give it for a reason he couldn't quite define. Now he knew.

He knew why that time was not worth his ten. Because if Phil asked him the same question right now Dan would have given a completely different answer.

Dan had never actually thought he would get to see the day that was worth a ten. But now. Now. Never before in the twenty six short years of his life had he felt so helpless, so _alone_ and the pain was unbearable.

"Shh." Phil planted a kiss to Dan's forehead. "It's going to be alright." he tried to sooth him, one hand rubbing circles on his back and the other stroking his hair. He buried his nose in there, inhaling Dan's scent, memorizing it, memorizing the sounds Dan was making, the texture of his curly hair, the wetness of his tears on his dirty t-shirt, the way he was still warm, too warm against his own body. "I'm here." he reassured him, pulling him closer.

He barely felt Dan nod against his chest, a small shake of his head, but he listened as his sobs soon subsided to shallow, ragged breaths sending heat on his skin.

Phil's heart hammered against his ribs as he listened. He listened closely, unconsciously holding his own breath and focusing on every single sound coming from Dan. He listened as he wheezed quietly with every breath, as every breath would come less often and less struggled, until, suddenly, he couldn't hear anything.

He clenched his teeth as he choked on a sob rising from his throat, his eyes spilling more and more tears as he held his best friend's still warm body tightly against his chest, rocking back and forth, and he cried as he had never cried before. Because his best friend, his soulmate, the only person that had made him feel truly alive in his whole life was no longer with him. The lifeless body in his arms may have had the form of Dan but the soul he loved with all his might was no longer in there.

He briefly searched his brain for a time he felt emptier than this exact moment but he drew a blank. The one thing that had kept him going for the last two years, the one person that had kept him alive and _wanting to be alive_ was gone. It felt like there physically was a hole in his chest where his heart should be. And it was so big that he couldn't move, he couldn't breathe and quite frankly he didn't feel the need to do so either anymore.

He barely heard Pj's shouting for him to get away from there and he cared even less.

Phil inhaled the familiar, warm scent one last time and untangled himself from him, letting him lean against the tree like he was before. He got up and took a couple backwards steps away, looking at his best friend. He looked like he was sleeping, he realised with a bitter short-lived smile that played on his lips, and the lump in his throat made it way too hard for him to breathe.

He had to leave. He had to get away from there.

He had promised Dan that he would stay alive for Chris and Pj but he wasn't really committed to keep his promise now. In fact, he was half tempted to stay here, wait for Dan's brain to start up again and his teeth to sink in his flesh just so he could be with him again, in a form that would be appalling for everyone else but him.

He found the courage to walk away though, with only one last painful look behind him at the peaceful expression upon Dan's face and a silent promise to see him again some day and maybe find the courage to keep the last half of his promise then.

Walking slowly on his numb legs, when he reached the van Chris was awkwardly pacing around in front of it. Phil lifted his head and momentarily wondered how bad he looked at the moment. Chris raised his eyes to look at Phil, averting them immediately. He wiped the tears from his face and gave him a tight-lipped smile that dropped way to soon to be fooling either of them.

Phil turned around just in time to see Pj discard a shotgun in the back of the van but couldn't even feel angry with him.

Pj's face was cold and expressionless, not a trace of emotion there, but Phil didn't pay him any mind. Only, he noted that it could well be his heart playing tricks at him again but he'd swear he'd seen it, a hint of grief in the straight line of his lips.

The thought was out of Phil's mind well before he made a conscious effort to shake it off and he got in the car, perching himself against the window.

The sound of the old engine starting up hardly registered to him as his eyes were set at that part of his life that he was leaving behind, the small figure at the bottom of the lone tree that was brutally taken away from him. He could feel something flying out from his chest, leaving him even emptier than before as the tree got lost in the horizon behind them along with half of his being.


End file.
